"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do."
John Wooden
It is so easy when we are faced with an obstacle in our lives to focus on what we can't do. When it is raining on our parade, we focus on how we can't control the weather. When there is a traffic jam, we focus on how we can't get the cars moving again. When our spouse does something irritating, we focus on how we can't get them to change. When we don't like our job, we focus on how unreasonable our employer is. It is so easy to blame someone or something else when things go wrong in our life, and complain about it to whoever will listen.
But the real problem, and the reason why we get so frustrated is because we are focusing on the wrong thing. If it is raining on our parade, or there is a traffic jam, or we don't like our job, or our spouse does something irritating, we can always focus on what we are going to do about it because there is always something we can do. If it rains on our parade, we can figure out a way to minimize the effect of the rain on it. If there is a traffic jam, we can focus on how we are going to benefit from the time that we are not going anywhere, perhaps listening to an educational tape or good music. If we don't like our job, we can focus on how we can make it more rewarding for ourselves. If our spouse does something irritating, we can focus on the things they do right and how to improve our relationship.
Even if we can't improve the situation, we can always improve our reaction to it. There is always something we can do about any problem that comes up. Focus on finding that thing that you can do right now that will make you feel better about the problem. Every problem has a solution hidden in it, and all we have to do is to find it. Even if we are not sure that our actions (even if that means just accepting that things are the way they are) are the best solution, it is better to do something right now than to just sit there feeling frustrated and upset. Never let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. Just go ahead and do it.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Criticisism
"Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things." - Winston Churchill
Nobody likes to be criticized. Some of us are addicted to approval. We go to such great lengths to avoid being criticized that we lose our authentic selves in order to become the person we think other people would approve of; forgetting that everybody has a different idea of what a desirable person looks like. We think that our authentic self is not good enough for others. We think that other people are somehow better, or more worthy than we are. This is especially true if they have more "success symbols" than we do.
But criticism is necessary, just as pain is. Without pain, we would never know what parts of our body were sick and needed to become healthy again. If nobody ever criticized us, we would never know where parts of us were weak and how we need to improve. We tend to think that our weak parts are an embarrassment that only we have; forgetting that everyone, even successful people, have weaknesses and need to improve in certain ways. Having weaknesses is part of being human. We will never be perfect.
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do to a person is to criticise their weak points (but of course this needs to be done in the right way). It is a mark of maturity to be able to accept constructive criticism. A wise person will want to know how he or she can become better. A wise person understands that having a weakness does not mean that they are a bad or undesirable person; it is simply something that they need to pay attention to and work on improving. A wise person knows that all criticism is is a way of calling attention to something that needs to become better.
Nobody likes to be criticized. Some of us are addicted to approval. We go to such great lengths to avoid being criticized that we lose our authentic selves in order to become the person we think other people would approve of; forgetting that everybody has a different idea of what a desirable person looks like. We think that our authentic self is not good enough for others. We think that other people are somehow better, or more worthy than we are. This is especially true if they have more "success symbols" than we do.
But criticism is necessary, just as pain is. Without pain, we would never know what parts of our body were sick and needed to become healthy again. If nobody ever criticized us, we would never know where parts of us were weak and how we need to improve. We tend to think that our weak parts are an embarrassment that only we have; forgetting that everyone, even successful people, have weaknesses and need to improve in certain ways. Having weaknesses is part of being human. We will never be perfect.
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do to a person is to criticise their weak points (but of course this needs to be done in the right way). It is a mark of maturity to be able to accept constructive criticism. A wise person will want to know how he or she can become better. A wise person understands that having a weakness does not mean that they are a bad or undesirable person; it is simply something that they need to pay attention to and work on improving. A wise person knows that all criticism is is a way of calling attention to something that needs to become better.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Accept
You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with the best you have to give. -- Eleanor Roosevelt
Sometimes it can be hard to accept whatever comes. We all have to deal with frustrations and setbacks every day. They can be something as trivial as the toast getting burned in the toaster or as serious as a death in the family. But even though all these things happen, there are always good things that happen in our day too. It is our attitude about what happens in our day that can make the difference between a relatively good day and a catastrophe.
It helps to realize that whatever happens in your day is sent to you for your own good, to teach you lessons you need to learn in order to grow and improve. This can be a tough realization for the person who has just been diagnosed with cancer and is afraid of dying. "How can getting cancer possibly be good for me?" But even then, it can be good for you if you develop a good attitude; one that sees possibilities for growth. Getting a terminal illness could help you appreciate life more, and/ or it could inspire you to educate the public or make the last days of other terminally ill people more pleasant.
It is no use fighting with life. You have to accept whatever comes if you want to be happy. The only important thing is that you meet it with the best you have to give. No matter how bad it seems to you now, you can give your best to it and eventually it will not seem so bad. If you learn to appreciate, instead of resist, the mistakes, frustrations, and setbacks in your life, it will free you to determine the best way to deal with them. You will enjoy life more. You will learn and grow, and in so doing you will have been successful.
Sometimes it can be hard to accept whatever comes. We all have to deal with frustrations and setbacks every day. They can be something as trivial as the toast getting burned in the toaster or as serious as a death in the family. But even though all these things happen, there are always good things that happen in our day too. It is our attitude about what happens in our day that can make the difference between a relatively good day and a catastrophe.
It helps to realize that whatever happens in your day is sent to you for your own good, to teach you lessons you need to learn in order to grow and improve. This can be a tough realization for the person who has just been diagnosed with cancer and is afraid of dying. "How can getting cancer possibly be good for me?" But even then, it can be good for you if you develop a good attitude; one that sees possibilities for growth. Getting a terminal illness could help you appreciate life more, and/ or it could inspire you to educate the public or make the last days of other terminally ill people more pleasant.
It is no use fighting with life. You have to accept whatever comes if you want to be happy. The only important thing is that you meet it with the best you have to give. No matter how bad it seems to you now, you can give your best to it and eventually it will not seem so bad. If you learn to appreciate, instead of resist, the mistakes, frustrations, and setbacks in your life, it will free you to determine the best way to deal with them. You will enjoy life more. You will learn and grow, and in so doing you will have been successful.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Keeping Company
The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best - Epictetus
How often have you been in a situation when your family or co-workers or freinds or relatives have been gathered together discussing their aches and pains, or illnesses. I was in a situation like that a couple of days ago and I just wanted to get away. I really felt that if I stayed around them, maybe I would get sick too, just from listening to their words. That is the effect that talking about physical discomfort has on the healthy people listening. It is very much a downer.
Most people are constantly complaining. Even if they feel good physically, they will find something else that is not up to par. We tend to focus on what is not right in our lives. How many long discussions have you had with anyone lately about the beauty of a rose or the resilience of the grass growing in the sidewalk? How would you feel after such a discussion? Imagine how much better you would feel in general if you talked mostly about what is good in the world instead of about what is wrong with it.
This is why it is so important to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best. You want to feel good, and that just isn't going to happen when you keep company with people who complain and blame and think that there is no hope for change. You want to be around people who can inspire, motivate, and encourage you to do your best, to make a positive difference in the world, to be the person you were meant to be. Having a solid group of people like this around you is one of the most important ingredients for your success. Seek these people out today.
How often have you been in a situation when your family or co-workers or freinds or relatives have been gathered together discussing their aches and pains, or illnesses. I was in a situation like that a couple of days ago and I just wanted to get away. I really felt that if I stayed around them, maybe I would get sick too, just from listening to their words. That is the effect that talking about physical discomfort has on the healthy people listening. It is very much a downer.
Most people are constantly complaining. Even if they feel good physically, they will find something else that is not up to par. We tend to focus on what is not right in our lives. How many long discussions have you had with anyone lately about the beauty of a rose or the resilience of the grass growing in the sidewalk? How would you feel after such a discussion? Imagine how much better you would feel in general if you talked mostly about what is good in the world instead of about what is wrong with it.
This is why it is so important to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best. You want to feel good, and that just isn't going to happen when you keep company with people who complain and blame and think that there is no hope for change. You want to be around people who can inspire, motivate, and encourage you to do your best, to make a positive difference in the world, to be the person you were meant to be. Having a solid group of people like this around you is one of the most important ingredients for your success. Seek these people out today.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Give
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. -- Lao Tzu
We often think we are helping someone by just giving him what he has asked for. We think that now that he has what he wanted, he should be happy. We forget that we are building a relationship of dependency. Now, in order for him to get what he wants, he must get it from us and we still can choose whether or not we will give that to him. We are creating a relationship where we have all the power. And that can only lead to resentment on the part of the other person.
The best way that you can help someone else is to show him how he can get what he wants by himself. That empowers him to take care of his own needs without having to rely on someone else. He doesn't have to keep asking you for help and you don't have to keep giving it. There is no guilt or resentment from either party. It makes him feel good about himself, and therefore, about you too. Everyone wins.
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Education is so important for all of us. All of us are teachers and all of us are students. There isn't one of us who doesn't need to learn how to improve in some way, and there isn't one of us who has nothing to share that can help someone else improve in some way.
To be successful, we must be open to having someone else show us how to do whatever we need to do instead of assuming that we can, or should be able to, do it all by ourself. And we must be willing to utilize our knowledge and skills to teach others how to do what they need to do in order to be successful. What do you need to learn, and who can you learn it from? Who could benefit from your knowledge and how can you share it with them?
We often think we are helping someone by just giving him what he has asked for. We think that now that he has what he wanted, he should be happy. We forget that we are building a relationship of dependency. Now, in order for him to get what he wants, he must get it from us and we still can choose whether or not we will give that to him. We are creating a relationship where we have all the power. And that can only lead to resentment on the part of the other person.
The best way that you can help someone else is to show him how he can get what he wants by himself. That empowers him to take care of his own needs without having to rely on someone else. He doesn't have to keep asking you for help and you don't have to keep giving it. There is no guilt or resentment from either party. It makes him feel good about himself, and therefore, about you too. Everyone wins.
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Education is so important for all of us. All of us are teachers and all of us are students. There isn't one of us who doesn't need to learn how to improve in some way, and there isn't one of us who has nothing to share that can help someone else improve in some way.
To be successful, we must be open to having someone else show us how to do whatever we need to do instead of assuming that we can, or should be able to, do it all by ourself. And we must be willing to utilize our knowledge and skills to teach others how to do what they need to do in order to be successful. What do you need to learn, and who can you learn it from? Who could benefit from your knowledge and how can you share it with them?
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