"It is easier to live through someone else than to become complete yourself." - Betty Friedan
it is amazing how much time we spend searching for a person to make us whole. If we are a quiet person we are attracted to someone who is a social butterfly. If we are a couch potato we are attracted to someone athletic. Typically when we fall in love with someone we are attracted by some trait they have that we don't have but highly value. We think that if we hang around someone with that trait, it will somehow rub off on us. It will fill the hole inside and make us complete. Yet apparently when people divorce, it is very often the trait that attracted the person in the first place that has been turned around into a negative and caused them to want to leave.
Magazines that tell us every little detail about the lives of celebrities are huge sellers. It is as though our own lives are so dull that we would rather read about Brad and Angelina and how they raise their kids, among other things. We want to hear about their lives because their lives seem so much more interesting than ours do. We want to live like them. We want to live through them. So we don't spend enough time thinking about our own lives and how to improve them.
It is easier to live through someone else than to become complete yourself. Just as it is easier to blame someone else than to own up to your own mistakes. We resist taking responsibility for the quality of our lives. We have been taught that outside people and circumstances are what controls us. We have been taught to look outside ourselves for both problems and their solutions. We have been taught to do what we are told. But that is not how we become complete. Becoming complete requires a focus on ourselves and what we can do with our own lives to learn and grow and enjoy our world. It is a process; there are no quick fixes.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Success
Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person you become." - Jim Rohn
We think that success is a prize that we get by working hard and doing all the right things. We strive for success. We do what we are told to do by society in the hopes that one day we will be rewarded. We do our duty. We greatly admire people who work hard and finally make it in the world. But so many of us work hard all our lives and then retire poor. And so many of us are examplary citizens but retire poor. Clearly it is neither hard work or doing the "right thing" that makes one successful.
The more we chase after success, the more it eludes us. When we are focused on what we can get, all the material things that show us we have succeeded, we forget about who we are and whether we are worthy of what we want. We forget about the growing that we have to do in order to enjoy and benefit from the success we want. It is useless to earn lots of money if you don't know how to utilize it in a manner that benefits not only you but the people around you as well.
Success is to be attracted by the person you become. When you cast off the "dirt" of all your limiting beleifs, fearfullness, and bad habits, then you shine. Then you attract the success you want. Success doesn't like all that "dirt", that negative energy, that surrounds most of us, even those who are hardworking and do "what's right" by society's definition. Success is attracted to those who are capable of dealing with it properly, benefiting themselves, the people around them and the planet. Grow into your success by getting rid of those fears and limiting beleiefs and learning to be the best person you can be.
We think that success is a prize that we get by working hard and doing all the right things. We strive for success. We do what we are told to do by society in the hopes that one day we will be rewarded. We do our duty. We greatly admire people who work hard and finally make it in the world. But so many of us work hard all our lives and then retire poor. And so many of us are examplary citizens but retire poor. Clearly it is neither hard work or doing the "right thing" that makes one successful.
The more we chase after success, the more it eludes us. When we are focused on what we can get, all the material things that show us we have succeeded, we forget about who we are and whether we are worthy of what we want. We forget about the growing that we have to do in order to enjoy and benefit from the success we want. It is useless to earn lots of money if you don't know how to utilize it in a manner that benefits not only you but the people around you as well.
Success is to be attracted by the person you become. When you cast off the "dirt" of all your limiting beleifs, fearfullness, and bad habits, then you shine. Then you attract the success you want. Success doesn't like all that "dirt", that negative energy, that surrounds most of us, even those who are hardworking and do "what's right" by society's definition. Success is attracted to those who are capable of dealing with it properly, benefiting themselves, the people around them and the planet. Grow into your success by getting rid of those fears and limiting beleiefs and learning to be the best person you can be.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Begin
Begin from anywhere but begin. The door is somewhere and you may stumble upon it. -- Osho
So often we are afraid to begin a project because we feel we are missing the information necessary for successfully completing it. What if something goes wrong? How will we handle it? The trouble is it would take us a lifetime to think of everything that could possibly go wrong, let along how we will handle all those things. And most, maybe all, of these things will never happen anyway. If something does happen, it will probably be something we never thought about. So many times we never get started on a project because we think we need more information about it. And then the window of opportunity closes.
I think the reason we operate this way is that we really don't trust ourselves. We think we are inadequate to the task. We don't see ourselves as adequate problem solvers; as people who can solve any problem as it comes up. We don't trust our intuition, and many of us simply aren't even aware of it. But the truth is that if we can learn to listen to and trust our intuition, we have all the resources of the Universe available to us. We are much more capable of solving problems than we realize, when we utilize our intuition, and deal with things as they come along.
Begin from anywhere but begin. The door is somewhere and you may stumble upon it. The most important thing is to just get started. Beleive in yourself. It doesn't matter where you are starting from or how many problems you anticipate having along the way. Learn to listen to your intuition (and tell the difference between it and what your ego is telling you to do). Not only will it help you solve all those problems, but it will show you the best way to get to that door to what you want.
Don't wait till you can walk confidently directly to the door because that will probably never happen. If you allow yourself to stumble around and make mistakes, which you then learn from, you will discover that you'll find that door faster than you thought possible. Just begin, and begin now. Tune into and listen to your intuition and learn from your mistakes. That is the route to success.
So often we are afraid to begin a project because we feel we are missing the information necessary for successfully completing it. What if something goes wrong? How will we handle it? The trouble is it would take us a lifetime to think of everything that could possibly go wrong, let along how we will handle all those things. And most, maybe all, of these things will never happen anyway. If something does happen, it will probably be something we never thought about. So many times we never get started on a project because we think we need more information about it. And then the window of opportunity closes.
I think the reason we operate this way is that we really don't trust ourselves. We think we are inadequate to the task. We don't see ourselves as adequate problem solvers; as people who can solve any problem as it comes up. We don't trust our intuition, and many of us simply aren't even aware of it. But the truth is that if we can learn to listen to and trust our intuition, we have all the resources of the Universe available to us. We are much more capable of solving problems than we realize, when we utilize our intuition, and deal with things as they come along.
Begin from anywhere but begin. The door is somewhere and you may stumble upon it. The most important thing is to just get started. Beleive in yourself. It doesn't matter where you are starting from or how many problems you anticipate having along the way. Learn to listen to your intuition (and tell the difference between it and what your ego is telling you to do). Not only will it help you solve all those problems, but it will show you the best way to get to that door to what you want.
Don't wait till you can walk confidently directly to the door because that will probably never happen. If you allow yourself to stumble around and make mistakes, which you then learn from, you will discover that you'll find that door faster than you thought possible. Just begin, and begin now. Tune into and listen to your intuition and learn from your mistakes. That is the route to success.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Competitor
The competitor to be feared is one who never bothers about you at all, but goes on making his own business better all the time. Henry Ford
This is not just true about business but about everyday life. In a way, we are all competitors. We are always competing for the time, attention, energy and resources of the people around us. We see ourselves as competitors because we can see that time, attention, energy, and resources seem to have a limited supply. Sometimes we openly compete; and the competition frequently gets ugly when "the winner takes it all". Then we begin to feel like losers, who are never good enough to get what we want.
We walk around constantly worried about how other people see us. We worry about whether they will think us worthy of their time, attention, energy, and resources. We are focused on ourselves and whether we are good enough. But our attention is on the wrong people. Our most successful competitors don't even notice us. They are not going to give us their time, attention, energy, or resources because they choose to keep it for themselves. We are not considered important enough to even be on their radar screeen.
The competitor to be really feared, in business and in life, is the one who goes on making his business, or life, better all the time. He isn't even trying to compete, because he knows he is, or will be, the best at what he does. He is focused only on his own improvement, so it doesn't matter what any particular other person is doing. There is a lesson to be learned here. The path to success is not one of open competition. We will get much further much more quickly if we stop comparing ourselves to everyone else and just focus on how we can improve our lives and our work.
This is not just true about business but about everyday life. In a way, we are all competitors. We are always competing for the time, attention, energy and resources of the people around us. We see ourselves as competitors because we can see that time, attention, energy, and resources seem to have a limited supply. Sometimes we openly compete; and the competition frequently gets ugly when "the winner takes it all". Then we begin to feel like losers, who are never good enough to get what we want.
We walk around constantly worried about how other people see us. We worry about whether they will think us worthy of their time, attention, energy, and resources. We are focused on ourselves and whether we are good enough. But our attention is on the wrong people. Our most successful competitors don't even notice us. They are not going to give us their time, attention, energy, or resources because they choose to keep it for themselves. We are not considered important enough to even be on their radar screeen.
The competitor to be really feared, in business and in life, is the one who goes on making his business, or life, better all the time. He isn't even trying to compete, because he knows he is, or will be, the best at what he does. He is focused only on his own improvement, so it doesn't matter what any particular other person is doing. There is a lesson to be learned here. The path to success is not one of open competition. We will get much further much more quickly if we stop comparing ourselves to everyone else and just focus on how we can improve our lives and our work.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Solitude
The monotony and solitude of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind.
Albert Einstein
Most of us have very busy lives. We even pride ourselves on how busy our lives are because it makes us feel that we are getting a lot of things done. But none of these things bring us any real satisfaction. Some of us feel like we spend our whole lives putting out fires and never have time for what we'd really like to do. There is always some emergency to take care of. There is always something someone else needs; which seems more important than our own needs. We never seem to have enough time for ourselves.
We live in a world where taking action is highly prized. People who sit around are considered lazy unproductive couch potatos. We seem to have forgotten that in order for our actions to produce satisfactory results, we need to take the time to sit and think about what we want to acheive and how best to acheive those results. Instead we run around like a chicken with it's head cut off. Since we haven't thought out what we want, we spend our time dealing with other people's emergencies that don't help us get anywhere we want to go.
The monotony and solitude of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind. We need time to ourselves to think about what we want to create in our lives. We need time to determine how things can be different and better in our lives and what needs to happen in order to make it so. Time spent daydreaming by yourself is much more productive than taking aimless action that deals with everyone else's needs except your own. The creative mind needs peace and quiet. It needs no distractions. It needs to be left to its own devices. When you give it this, for even short periods if consistently , it will reward you handsomely.
Albert Einstein
Most of us have very busy lives. We even pride ourselves on how busy our lives are because it makes us feel that we are getting a lot of things done. But none of these things bring us any real satisfaction. Some of us feel like we spend our whole lives putting out fires and never have time for what we'd really like to do. There is always some emergency to take care of. There is always something someone else needs; which seems more important than our own needs. We never seem to have enough time for ourselves.
We live in a world where taking action is highly prized. People who sit around are considered lazy unproductive couch potatos. We seem to have forgotten that in order for our actions to produce satisfactory results, we need to take the time to sit and think about what we want to acheive and how best to acheive those results. Instead we run around like a chicken with it's head cut off. Since we haven't thought out what we want, we spend our time dealing with other people's emergencies that don't help us get anywhere we want to go.
The monotony and solitude of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind. We need time to ourselves to think about what we want to create in our lives. We need time to determine how things can be different and better in our lives and what needs to happen in order to make it so. Time spent daydreaming by yourself is much more productive than taking aimless action that deals with everyone else's needs except your own. The creative mind needs peace and quiet. It needs no distractions. It needs to be left to its own devices. When you give it this, for even short periods if consistently , it will reward you handsomely.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Given to Me
So much has been given to me--I have no time to ponder over that which has been denied." -Helen Keller
Most of us don't have nearly as much denied to us as Helen Keller did. We just take our ability to see for granted, and don't even think about what a wondrous gift that really is. We expect our minds and bodies to function well and don't have any idea of what a miracle that really is. We don't know how lucky we are until we live with someone whose mind and/or body is handicapped. There is so much in our lives that we just take for granted because we expect it to be that way, either because it's always been that way for us or because it appears to be that way for everyone around us.
Most of us are not satisfied with what we have. We dwell on problems, wondering how we can fix them. We dwell on what could be better, wondering how to make it so. We dwell on what we don't have that other people do. "If I could only have this, my life would be so much better". All of this takes us away from appreciating those things that we already do have. All of us, without exception, have a great deal to be thankful for, if we will just focus on finding it. We would probably feel much better even if we would just direct our comparisons to those who don't have what we have instead of those who seem to have more, and realize just how lucky we are.
There is no time for us to ponder what we don't have. There is a world full of riches that each of us has to explore and enjoy right now, just where we are. "It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got". The more we appreciate what we have right now, the more that will be given to us. You only have so much time on earth; spend it enjoying what is already here for you to enjoy. Be happy right here, right now.
Most of us don't have nearly as much denied to us as Helen Keller did. We just take our ability to see for granted, and don't even think about what a wondrous gift that really is. We expect our minds and bodies to function well and don't have any idea of what a miracle that really is. We don't know how lucky we are until we live with someone whose mind and/or body is handicapped. There is so much in our lives that we just take for granted because we expect it to be that way, either because it's always been that way for us or because it appears to be that way for everyone around us.
Most of us are not satisfied with what we have. We dwell on problems, wondering how we can fix them. We dwell on what could be better, wondering how to make it so. We dwell on what we don't have that other people do. "If I could only have this, my life would be so much better". All of this takes us away from appreciating those things that we already do have. All of us, without exception, have a great deal to be thankful for, if we will just focus on finding it. We would probably feel much better even if we would just direct our comparisons to those who don't have what we have instead of those who seem to have more, and realize just how lucky we are.
There is no time for us to ponder what we don't have. There is a world full of riches that each of us has to explore and enjoy right now, just where we are. "It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got". The more we appreciate what we have right now, the more that will be given to us. You only have so much time on earth; spend it enjoying what is already here for you to enjoy. Be happy right here, right now.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Rich
"If your only goal is to become rich, you will never achieve it." - John D. Rockefeller
Money is probably the most stressful word we have. We all want money, yet we are terrified of not having enough of it. We want a large and growing bank account. But we usually can't put our finger on exactly how much money we want or even why we want it. If we had a million dollars, most of us wouldn't really know what to do with it. All we know, all we have thought about, is that we want to have the money.
But money isn't real. At most, it is just a peice of paper. It is a symbol of a promise between 2 people that if I give you something that is valuable to you, you will give me something that is of equivalent value to me. It is just a sophisticated form of bartering. What we really want when we want money is the knowledge that we are valuable to other people, and the security of being able to always have everything we think we need.
We often use money as a means of competition; keeping up with the Jones's because the person with the most "toys" is seen as the most successful. But having more of the things money can buy is not an indication of true riches. Money-grubbing people are not looked upon kindly. Our true richness comes from the quality of our relationships with those people who matter most to us. If your only goal is to become rich by getting a lot of money, you will never achieve it. Because competing for money takes your attention off of the richness what really matters; and hinders or destroys the relationships that matter most to you. And because you have failed to give to them the love they wanted, they fail to give us the riches you wanted.
Money is probably the most stressful word we have. We all want money, yet we are terrified of not having enough of it. We want a large and growing bank account. But we usually can't put our finger on exactly how much money we want or even why we want it. If we had a million dollars, most of us wouldn't really know what to do with it. All we know, all we have thought about, is that we want to have the money.
But money isn't real. At most, it is just a peice of paper. It is a symbol of a promise between 2 people that if I give you something that is valuable to you, you will give me something that is of equivalent value to me. It is just a sophisticated form of bartering. What we really want when we want money is the knowledge that we are valuable to other people, and the security of being able to always have everything we think we need.
We often use money as a means of competition; keeping up with the Jones's because the person with the most "toys" is seen as the most successful. But having more of the things money can buy is not an indication of true riches. Money-grubbing people are not looked upon kindly. Our true richness comes from the quality of our relationships with those people who matter most to us. If your only goal is to become rich by getting a lot of money, you will never achieve it. Because competing for money takes your attention off of the richness what really matters; and hinders or destroys the relationships that matter most to you. And because you have failed to give to them the love they wanted, they fail to give us the riches you wanted.
Friday, September 3, 2010
God
"I used to ask God to help me. Then I asked if I might help Him. I ended up by asking God to do His work though me." -Hudson Taylor
By God here we can mean whatever higher power we find in our life. We all start out by asking God to help us. Our life on Earth seems so overwhelming. There are so many things we want to do, and we seem so incapabale of them. And then there are all the things that other people want and expect of us as well. Even the earliest religions were for the purpose of asking God for help (with the rain, crops etc). We have learned that we are a victim of circumstances God controls, so we must ask it for help if we need to change things.
Once we really learn to love the world and to appreciate all the wonderful things God has created for us, the next question we have is how we can help God. We want to create beautiful things just to honor it, to show it our gratitude. We sing God's praises. We start to see God more as a helper than something threatening. We begin to want to do our part to make the world a better place to live.
Finally, we ask God to do his work through us. This is the point where we realize our true capabilities. We learn that we can do God's work and we can create a better world; but only when we operate under God's advice for us. We tried to do it on our own in the previous stage and that didn't work too well. When we really start accomplishing things and being successful, is when we know that we can succeed because we really do have the capability ourselves and we listen carefully to God's guidance when it comes to us as inspiration or hunches or ideas. This is how we can change the world.
By God here we can mean whatever higher power we find in our life. We all start out by asking God to help us. Our life on Earth seems so overwhelming. There are so many things we want to do, and we seem so incapabale of them. And then there are all the things that other people want and expect of us as well. Even the earliest religions were for the purpose of asking God for help (with the rain, crops etc). We have learned that we are a victim of circumstances God controls, so we must ask it for help if we need to change things.
Once we really learn to love the world and to appreciate all the wonderful things God has created for us, the next question we have is how we can help God. We want to create beautiful things just to honor it, to show it our gratitude. We sing God's praises. We start to see God more as a helper than something threatening. We begin to want to do our part to make the world a better place to live.
Finally, we ask God to do his work through us. This is the point where we realize our true capabilities. We learn that we can do God's work and we can create a better world; but only when we operate under God's advice for us. We tried to do it on our own in the previous stage and that didn't work too well. When we really start accomplishing things and being successful, is when we know that we can succeed because we really do have the capability ourselves and we listen carefully to God's guidance when it comes to us as inspiration or hunches or ideas. This is how we can change the world.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Accomplish
Hell, there are no rules here - we're trying to accomplish something." - Thomas Edison
What this means is that the creation of rules actually hinders you accomplishing whatever it is you want to do. Our mind loves to create rules. We feel as though it makes order out of chaos. It puts boundaries on what we should and should not do; giving us parameters to work within. This actually works fairly well in some situations, like governing society. But in others, where you have to create or accomplish something new, it is a big hinderance.
Whenever you create something new, you are by definition going outside the norm, outside what is expected or anticipated. Most of us don't create much that is new in our lives precisely because we are afraid to venture outside the norms of what everyone else expects of us. We are afraid of disapproval, and we are afraid of failing because we tried to do something we aren't familiar with. But all brilliant new ideas are greeted with ridicule and all innovators expose themselves to great risk. That is how things get accomplished.
There are no rules here - we're trying to accomplish something. This goes for our own personal development too. When we ask someone else for advice, there is no rule that says we have to follow it, or that what worked for him will work for us too. The only thing we can do is to try different approaches and see what works for us. There are no rules.
Of course that means there are no rules for how other people should do things either, and one of the hardest parts of life in this world is learning to respect that; to be completely unjudgmental of others. They don't have to do things our way, just as we don't have to do things their way. All of us must find our own path, based on our strengths and weaknesses, and experiences. There are no rules. Except one-- we must love: ourselves, others, and our world. That is the one and only rule.
What this means is that the creation of rules actually hinders you accomplishing whatever it is you want to do. Our mind loves to create rules. We feel as though it makes order out of chaos. It puts boundaries on what we should and should not do; giving us parameters to work within. This actually works fairly well in some situations, like governing society. But in others, where you have to create or accomplish something new, it is a big hinderance.
Whenever you create something new, you are by definition going outside the norm, outside what is expected or anticipated. Most of us don't create much that is new in our lives precisely because we are afraid to venture outside the norms of what everyone else expects of us. We are afraid of disapproval, and we are afraid of failing because we tried to do something we aren't familiar with. But all brilliant new ideas are greeted with ridicule and all innovators expose themselves to great risk. That is how things get accomplished.
There are no rules here - we're trying to accomplish something. This goes for our own personal development too. When we ask someone else for advice, there is no rule that says we have to follow it, or that what worked for him will work for us too. The only thing we can do is to try different approaches and see what works for us. There are no rules.
Of course that means there are no rules for how other people should do things either, and one of the hardest parts of life in this world is learning to respect that; to be completely unjudgmental of others. They don't have to do things our way, just as we don't have to do things their way. All of us must find our own path, based on our strengths and weaknesses, and experiences. There are no rules. Except one-- we must love: ourselves, others, and our world. That is the one and only rule.
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