"Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things." - Winston Churchill
Nobody likes to be criticized. Some of us are addicted to approval. We go to such great lengths to avoid being criticized that we lose our authentic selves in order to become the person we think other people would approve of; forgetting that everybody has a different idea of what a desirable person looks like. We think that our authentic self is not good enough for others. We think that other people are somehow better, or more worthy than we are. This is especially true if they have more "success symbols" than we do.
But criticism is necessary, just as pain is. Without pain, we would never know what parts of our body were sick and needed to become healthy again. If nobody ever criticized us, we would never know where parts of us were weak and how we need to improve. We tend to think that our weak parts are an embarrassment that only we have; forgetting that everyone, even successful people, have weaknesses and need to improve in certain ways. Having weaknesses is part of being human. We will never be perfect.
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do to a person is to criticise their weak points (but of course this needs to be done in the right way). It is a mark of maturity to be able to accept constructive criticism. A wise person will want to know how he or she can become better. A wise person understands that having a weakness does not mean that they are a bad or undesirable person; it is simply something that they need to pay attention to and work on improving. A wise person knows that all criticism is is a way of calling attention to something that needs to become better.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Accept
You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with the best you have to give. -- Eleanor Roosevelt
Sometimes it can be hard to accept whatever comes. We all have to deal with frustrations and setbacks every day. They can be something as trivial as the toast getting burned in the toaster or as serious as a death in the family. But even though all these things happen, there are always good things that happen in our day too. It is our attitude about what happens in our day that can make the difference between a relatively good day and a catastrophe.
It helps to realize that whatever happens in your day is sent to you for your own good, to teach you lessons you need to learn in order to grow and improve. This can be a tough realization for the person who has just been diagnosed with cancer and is afraid of dying. "How can getting cancer possibly be good for me?" But even then, it can be good for you if you develop a good attitude; one that sees possibilities for growth. Getting a terminal illness could help you appreciate life more, and/ or it could inspire you to educate the public or make the last days of other terminally ill people more pleasant.
It is no use fighting with life. You have to accept whatever comes if you want to be happy. The only important thing is that you meet it with the best you have to give. No matter how bad it seems to you now, you can give your best to it and eventually it will not seem so bad. If you learn to appreciate, instead of resist, the mistakes, frustrations, and setbacks in your life, it will free you to determine the best way to deal with them. You will enjoy life more. You will learn and grow, and in so doing you will have been successful.
Sometimes it can be hard to accept whatever comes. We all have to deal with frustrations and setbacks every day. They can be something as trivial as the toast getting burned in the toaster or as serious as a death in the family. But even though all these things happen, there are always good things that happen in our day too. It is our attitude about what happens in our day that can make the difference between a relatively good day and a catastrophe.
It helps to realize that whatever happens in your day is sent to you for your own good, to teach you lessons you need to learn in order to grow and improve. This can be a tough realization for the person who has just been diagnosed with cancer and is afraid of dying. "How can getting cancer possibly be good for me?" But even then, it can be good for you if you develop a good attitude; one that sees possibilities for growth. Getting a terminal illness could help you appreciate life more, and/ or it could inspire you to educate the public or make the last days of other terminally ill people more pleasant.
It is no use fighting with life. You have to accept whatever comes if you want to be happy. The only important thing is that you meet it with the best you have to give. No matter how bad it seems to you now, you can give your best to it and eventually it will not seem so bad. If you learn to appreciate, instead of resist, the mistakes, frustrations, and setbacks in your life, it will free you to determine the best way to deal with them. You will enjoy life more. You will learn and grow, and in so doing you will have been successful.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Keeping Company
The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best - Epictetus
How often have you been in a situation when your family or co-workers or freinds or relatives have been gathered together discussing their aches and pains, or illnesses. I was in a situation like that a couple of days ago and I just wanted to get away. I really felt that if I stayed around them, maybe I would get sick too, just from listening to their words. That is the effect that talking about physical discomfort has on the healthy people listening. It is very much a downer.
Most people are constantly complaining. Even if they feel good physically, they will find something else that is not up to par. We tend to focus on what is not right in our lives. How many long discussions have you had with anyone lately about the beauty of a rose or the resilience of the grass growing in the sidewalk? How would you feel after such a discussion? Imagine how much better you would feel in general if you talked mostly about what is good in the world instead of about what is wrong with it.
This is why it is so important to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best. You want to feel good, and that just isn't going to happen when you keep company with people who complain and blame and think that there is no hope for change. You want to be around people who can inspire, motivate, and encourage you to do your best, to make a positive difference in the world, to be the person you were meant to be. Having a solid group of people like this around you is one of the most important ingredients for your success. Seek these people out today.
How often have you been in a situation when your family or co-workers or freinds or relatives have been gathered together discussing their aches and pains, or illnesses. I was in a situation like that a couple of days ago and I just wanted to get away. I really felt that if I stayed around them, maybe I would get sick too, just from listening to their words. That is the effect that talking about physical discomfort has on the healthy people listening. It is very much a downer.
Most people are constantly complaining. Even if they feel good physically, they will find something else that is not up to par. We tend to focus on what is not right in our lives. How many long discussions have you had with anyone lately about the beauty of a rose or the resilience of the grass growing in the sidewalk? How would you feel after such a discussion? Imagine how much better you would feel in general if you talked mostly about what is good in the world instead of about what is wrong with it.
This is why it is so important to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best. You want to feel good, and that just isn't going to happen when you keep company with people who complain and blame and think that there is no hope for change. You want to be around people who can inspire, motivate, and encourage you to do your best, to make a positive difference in the world, to be the person you were meant to be. Having a solid group of people like this around you is one of the most important ingredients for your success. Seek these people out today.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Give
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. -- Lao Tzu
We often think we are helping someone by just giving him what he has asked for. We think that now that he has what he wanted, he should be happy. We forget that we are building a relationship of dependency. Now, in order for him to get what he wants, he must get it from us and we still can choose whether or not we will give that to him. We are creating a relationship where we have all the power. And that can only lead to resentment on the part of the other person.
The best way that you can help someone else is to show him how he can get what he wants by himself. That empowers him to take care of his own needs without having to rely on someone else. He doesn't have to keep asking you for help and you don't have to keep giving it. There is no guilt or resentment from either party. It makes him feel good about himself, and therefore, about you too. Everyone wins.
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Education is so important for all of us. All of us are teachers and all of us are students. There isn't one of us who doesn't need to learn how to improve in some way, and there isn't one of us who has nothing to share that can help someone else improve in some way.
To be successful, we must be open to having someone else show us how to do whatever we need to do instead of assuming that we can, or should be able to, do it all by ourself. And we must be willing to utilize our knowledge and skills to teach others how to do what they need to do in order to be successful. What do you need to learn, and who can you learn it from? Who could benefit from your knowledge and how can you share it with them?
We often think we are helping someone by just giving him what he has asked for. We think that now that he has what he wanted, he should be happy. We forget that we are building a relationship of dependency. Now, in order for him to get what he wants, he must get it from us and we still can choose whether or not we will give that to him. We are creating a relationship where we have all the power. And that can only lead to resentment on the part of the other person.
The best way that you can help someone else is to show him how he can get what he wants by himself. That empowers him to take care of his own needs without having to rely on someone else. He doesn't have to keep asking you for help and you don't have to keep giving it. There is no guilt or resentment from either party. It makes him feel good about himself, and therefore, about you too. Everyone wins.
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Education is so important for all of us. All of us are teachers and all of us are students. There isn't one of us who doesn't need to learn how to improve in some way, and there isn't one of us who has nothing to share that can help someone else improve in some way.
To be successful, we must be open to having someone else show us how to do whatever we need to do instead of assuming that we can, or should be able to, do it all by ourself. And we must be willing to utilize our knowledge and skills to teach others how to do what they need to do in order to be successful. What do you need to learn, and who can you learn it from? Who could benefit from your knowledge and how can you share it with them?
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Failure
"Every failure brings with it the seed of an equivalent success."
Napoleon Hill
We dread failure. If we fail it is the end of the world. We have been humiliated; shown to have poor intelligence, judgment or problem solving skills, and/or bad behavior. We have been measured and found to be wanting. We can practically hear everyone else laughing at us. And most of all we no longer have, or know that we can not get in the future, the thing that we had hoped to have, or keep.
But failure really isn't all that bad. A failure only becomes bad when we dwell on it while failing to learn its lessons for the future; when we lose our self-esteem and self-confidence, and waste our time regretting the past. If we had known what to do in order to be successful and had the right resources at the time, we would never have failed. A failure is simply a lesson on what not to do next time, on what doesn't work. We tend to forget that there will be a next time but there always is. "When God closes a door, he always opens a window somewhere"
Every failure brings with it the seed of an equivalent success. It is important to ask what is the lesson this failure is trying to teach you. Perhaps you don't do your due diligence enough. Perhaps you don't listen carefully enough. Perhaps you are too impatient. These are all things that can be worked on and improved now that you are aware of them.
The other important thing is to ask what is the gift in this failure. Perhaps it has taught you the necessity of being patient. Perhaps it has taught you something you didn't know about other people's behavior. Perhaps it has clarified for you what you really want. These are all things that can help you grow for the future now that you are aware of them. A failure is most of all a learning experience. Forgive yourself, learn what you need to learn and move on. An equivalent success is waiting for you.
Napoleon Hill
We dread failure. If we fail it is the end of the world. We have been humiliated; shown to have poor intelligence, judgment or problem solving skills, and/or bad behavior. We have been measured and found to be wanting. We can practically hear everyone else laughing at us. And most of all we no longer have, or know that we can not get in the future, the thing that we had hoped to have, or keep.
But failure really isn't all that bad. A failure only becomes bad when we dwell on it while failing to learn its lessons for the future; when we lose our self-esteem and self-confidence, and waste our time regretting the past. If we had known what to do in order to be successful and had the right resources at the time, we would never have failed. A failure is simply a lesson on what not to do next time, on what doesn't work. We tend to forget that there will be a next time but there always is. "When God closes a door, he always opens a window somewhere"
Every failure brings with it the seed of an equivalent success. It is important to ask what is the lesson this failure is trying to teach you. Perhaps you don't do your due diligence enough. Perhaps you don't listen carefully enough. Perhaps you are too impatient. These are all things that can be worked on and improved now that you are aware of them.
The other important thing is to ask what is the gift in this failure. Perhaps it has taught you the necessity of being patient. Perhaps it has taught you something you didn't know about other people's behavior. Perhaps it has clarified for you what you really want. These are all things that can help you grow for the future now that you are aware of them. A failure is most of all a learning experience. Forgive yourself, learn what you need to learn and move on. An equivalent success is waiting for you.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Genius
"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." –Albert Einstein
Most of us are convinced that we are not geniuses. There always seems to be someone more intelligent than we are, and we are sure we could never accomplish the things they have accomplished. A genius is someone who can name all the capitals of all the African countries by the time they are 3 years old. Or who is in university by the time they are 14. I could never have done that. So that means I am not a genius, right?
Whenever we compare ourselves to other people we are comparing apples and oranges. Yes they are both fruits but they don't have much in common otherwise. An apple might think it is not good enough because it isn't perfectly round like an orange is or have as much vitamin C. But an apple tastes sweeter and is easier to eat. Each kind of fruit, and each person, has its own qualities that make it special. I can't engineer a rocket but I can create beautiful artwork. Joe down the street might be a brilliant engineer but has no artistic ability. We each have our own genius.
Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. We get into trouble because we insist on judging others. And that mistake is compounded when we judge others based on our own abilities, or even worse on some imagined person's abilities. Just because we, or someone we know or can imagine, can climb a tree does not mean a fish can, or should. The only useful criteria to judge people, or anything else, by is how they have improved from last time. This is the only way they will feel good about themselves and continue to improve.
Most of us are convinced that we are not geniuses. There always seems to be someone more intelligent than we are, and we are sure we could never accomplish the things they have accomplished. A genius is someone who can name all the capitals of all the African countries by the time they are 3 years old. Or who is in university by the time they are 14. I could never have done that. So that means I am not a genius, right?
Whenever we compare ourselves to other people we are comparing apples and oranges. Yes they are both fruits but they don't have much in common otherwise. An apple might think it is not good enough because it isn't perfectly round like an orange is or have as much vitamin C. But an apple tastes sweeter and is easier to eat. Each kind of fruit, and each person, has its own qualities that make it special. I can't engineer a rocket but I can create beautiful artwork. Joe down the street might be a brilliant engineer but has no artistic ability. We each have our own genius.
Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. We get into trouble because we insist on judging others. And that mistake is compounded when we judge others based on our own abilities, or even worse on some imagined person's abilities. Just because we, or someone we know or can imagine, can climb a tree does not mean a fish can, or should. The only useful criteria to judge people, or anything else, by is how they have improved from last time. This is the only way they will feel good about themselves and continue to improve.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Education
"It is almost a miracle that modern teaching methods have not yet entirely strangled the holy curiousity of inquiry; for what this delicate little plant needs more than anything, besides stimulation, is freedom." --Albert Einstein
I am fascinated by a school in Massachusetts called Sudbury School that is radically different from the school you and I went to, yet it works; so well that schools across the country have adopted its style of operation. In this school there are no grades, no exams, no classes. The students can do whatever they like, within reason. And it is completely democratic so because there are more students than staff the students pretty much decide most of the day-to-day operations of the school, including who their "helpers" (teachers) are going to be. And these kids move on to university at a comparable or even better rate than regular schools and do very well there.
When our education is controlled, as it has been for most of us, we are not able to utilize our unique strengths or determine what the best learning style is for us. We are told what we are going to learn and when and how we are going to learn it. Having an individualized education plan for every child would be prohibitively expensive and take up all the teacher's time, yet this is really what would be needed under our current system. Every student is unique and can't really learn effectively without their unique needs being taken into account.
"It is almost a miracle that modern teaching methods have not yet entirely strangled the holy curiousity of inquiry; for what this delicate little plant needs more than anything, besides stimulation, is freedom." The best learning occurs when a wide variety of subjects and approaches to learning them is available to the student so he has the freedom to choose what works best for him. Only he can decide what he is most interested in and how and when he can learn that subject best. Conventional education is trying to fit round pegs into square holes. It doesn't work. Some students get frustrated and give up, others simply lose interest. What these students need more than anything other than stimulation, is freedom to do what works for them.
I am fascinated by a school in Massachusetts called Sudbury School that is radically different from the school you and I went to, yet it works; so well that schools across the country have adopted its style of operation. In this school there are no grades, no exams, no classes. The students can do whatever they like, within reason. And it is completely democratic so because there are more students than staff the students pretty much decide most of the day-to-day operations of the school, including who their "helpers" (teachers) are going to be. And these kids move on to university at a comparable or even better rate than regular schools and do very well there.
When our education is controlled, as it has been for most of us, we are not able to utilize our unique strengths or determine what the best learning style is for us. We are told what we are going to learn and when and how we are going to learn it. Having an individualized education plan for every child would be prohibitively expensive and take up all the teacher's time, yet this is really what would be needed under our current system. Every student is unique and can't really learn effectively without their unique needs being taken into account.
"It is almost a miracle that modern teaching methods have not yet entirely strangled the holy curiousity of inquiry; for what this delicate little plant needs more than anything, besides stimulation, is freedom." The best learning occurs when a wide variety of subjects and approaches to learning them is available to the student so he has the freedom to choose what works best for him. Only he can decide what he is most interested in and how and when he can learn that subject best. Conventional education is trying to fit round pegs into square holes. It doesn't work. Some students get frustrated and give up, others simply lose interest. What these students need more than anything other than stimulation, is freedom to do what works for them.
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