Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love." - LAO-TZU
Kindness in words creates confidence. How you speak to others has a profound influence on how they see themselves. If you continually refer to someone as stupid, they will eventually see themselves as stupid and begin to behave that way. That will cause other people to say they're stupid and then you have a downward spiral. Hardly the way to build his confidence. If you continually refer to someone as bright and intelligent, he will eventually feel much better about himself and begin to behave better too. He will gain confidence in himself.
Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Negative thinking reverts to blame, which causes a closed mind. If what happened is the fault of someone or something, or even luck, then it closes off discussion of alternative possibilities. It's their fault, period. If we think we have no control over the situation, there is no point thinking about how the situation can be changed; that becomes an exersise in frustration and is quickly abandoned. If we think kindly about it, we can begin to explore the possibilities for improving it.
Kindness in giving creates love. It truly is giving that creates love. Love for someone comes from kindness,the desire to make them happy; instead of the receiving of their gifts. Of course, normally in our relationships both happen at the same time, which is why we get them confused. Real unconditional love is not at all interested in "what's in it for me". It is focused on what we can do for someone else in order to make them happier. It is fostered by kindness.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Dreams
God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow in them.
Author Unknown
What do you dream of? When I was a child, I wanted to save the world from pollution by shutting down all the factories. Wouldn't it be nice if it were that simple? My father quickly put that down by reminding me to face reality and that if you shut down all the factories then people would be out of work and the products wouldn't be available etc etc etc. I was crushed. Obviously stopping pollution is a much more difficult problem than I had realized.
That was a dream that was a size too big. I was only a child and didn't understand the way the world worked. It still is a dream of mine to stop pollution but now I understand better what is involved. I have grown into a bigger person, and if that was my major goal in life I would be in a much better position to find a solution now than I was then. It is unfortunate that so many children start out with great dreams only to have their family, teacher, priest etc tell them that it is an impossible or impractical idea and so they completely give up on it.
God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow in them. If my dream was to buy a new car, or to get through the day, how much growing would I be motivated to do? For one thing, I would just be thinking about myself; probably about how lousy my current car was or all my problems at work or at home. I can't grow when all I think about is myself and my own problems.
Growth happens when we have a dream that we don't right now have a solution to. The growth is in the discovery of the best way to solve a problem, and the more challenging it is, the more we grow. The most growth occurs when we have a dream that is so large that it affects many other people besides ourselves. Then, we have expanded our horizons significantly, which makes the dream both more meaningful and more powerful. Life is about growth. And that's why God gives us dreams and desires that we can't see the way to fulfilling yet.
Author Unknown
What do you dream of? When I was a child, I wanted to save the world from pollution by shutting down all the factories. Wouldn't it be nice if it were that simple? My father quickly put that down by reminding me to face reality and that if you shut down all the factories then people would be out of work and the products wouldn't be available etc etc etc. I was crushed. Obviously stopping pollution is a much more difficult problem than I had realized.
That was a dream that was a size too big. I was only a child and didn't understand the way the world worked. It still is a dream of mine to stop pollution but now I understand better what is involved. I have grown into a bigger person, and if that was my major goal in life I would be in a much better position to find a solution now than I was then. It is unfortunate that so many children start out with great dreams only to have their family, teacher, priest etc tell them that it is an impossible or impractical idea and so they completely give up on it.
God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow in them. If my dream was to buy a new car, or to get through the day, how much growing would I be motivated to do? For one thing, I would just be thinking about myself; probably about how lousy my current car was or all my problems at work or at home. I can't grow when all I think about is myself and my own problems.
Growth happens when we have a dream that we don't right now have a solution to. The growth is in the discovery of the best way to solve a problem, and the more challenging it is, the more we grow. The most growth occurs when we have a dream that is so large that it affects many other people besides ourselves. Then, we have expanded our horizons significantly, which makes the dream both more meaningful and more powerful. Life is about growth. And that's why God gives us dreams and desires that we can't see the way to fulfilling yet.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Kindness
A part of kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve.
Joseph Joubert
Consciously or unconsciously, most of us run around judging the value of other people based on what we feel we are getting from them. It is as though other people were put on earth to serve us, and when they fail to do that effectively we want no part of them. We make freinds with, and fall in love with, those people who do things that make us happy, and say things that we agree with. And people who do things that make us unhappy or say things we don't agree with, we avoid like the plague.
But other people are not put on earth to serve us. They have their own purpose in life, their own pathway to follow. They have their own ideas based on their own experiences, which might be vastly different from ours. It has been said that "common sense" is only common to people with a common point of view (who see things the same way).
But none of that makes other people less worthy of our love. We are all trying our best to succeed in this world based on the knowledge and experience, and talents and weaknesses, that we have been given. All human beings are worthy of our love, whether they are a homeless person on the streets or the Queen. Everyone has a valid story to tell; and if they were all the same then we'd have nothing to learn from each other.
A part of kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve. If someone is very rude to you, for example, instead of hating him for being a jerk realize that he may be rude because he has had a bad morning; perhaps his wife left him, or his child is in trouble, or he has too many bills to pay. It has been said that the worse a person is behaving, the more kindness he needs from you. It indicates that he is hurt; and when you think about it, you know that it is when you are hurt that you need kindness the most. Other people are the same. Just as with love, it is easy to be kind to someone who is being nice to you. Real love and kindness is forged when you can love someone who is not behaving well towards you.
Joseph Joubert
Consciously or unconsciously, most of us run around judging the value of other people based on what we feel we are getting from them. It is as though other people were put on earth to serve us, and when they fail to do that effectively we want no part of them. We make freinds with, and fall in love with, those people who do things that make us happy, and say things that we agree with. And people who do things that make us unhappy or say things we don't agree with, we avoid like the plague.
But other people are not put on earth to serve us. They have their own purpose in life, their own pathway to follow. They have their own ideas based on their own experiences, which might be vastly different from ours. It has been said that "common sense" is only common to people with a common point of view (who see things the same way).
But none of that makes other people less worthy of our love. We are all trying our best to succeed in this world based on the knowledge and experience, and talents and weaknesses, that we have been given. All human beings are worthy of our love, whether they are a homeless person on the streets or the Queen. Everyone has a valid story to tell; and if they were all the same then we'd have nothing to learn from each other.
A part of kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve. If someone is very rude to you, for example, instead of hating him for being a jerk realize that he may be rude because he has had a bad morning; perhaps his wife left him, or his child is in trouble, or he has too many bills to pay. It has been said that the worse a person is behaving, the more kindness he needs from you. It indicates that he is hurt; and when you think about it, you know that it is when you are hurt that you need kindness the most. Other people are the same. Just as with love, it is easy to be kind to someone who is being nice to you. Real love and kindness is forged when you can love someone who is not behaving well towards you.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Desire
It is easier to suppress the first desire than to satisfy all that follow.
Anonymous
"The devil made me do it". How often have we said that to ourselves after doing something we know we shouldn't, yet again. New good habits are very difficult to form, and old bad habits are just as difficult to break. The very nature of a habit, as something you don't even have to think about doing, renders it difficult to change. And, as they say, it is so much easier to acquire a bad habit than to acquire a healthy one.
The most effective way to suppress a bad habit is to go cold turkey. Give yourself a long list of reasons why this habit simply can't be continued. Study all the research on what the consequences will be for you if you continue it. Convince yourself that if you don't quit now, it will be very painful for you in the future. And that if you do quit now, your future will be so much better; so much more fun. Then just quit completely right now. If you quit gradually, it will be too easy to slip back into your old routine.
It is easier to never to get started on something that you know you will regret later than to live with the results. It is easier to suppress the first desire than to satisfy all that follow. As they say, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure". Suppress the first desire. Don't give it a chance. If you don't get started smoking, you won't have to worry about having to buy cigarettes all the time, wanting to smoke in non-smoking areas or around people who clearly don't approve, getting lung cancer etc. It is easier to suppress the first desire than to have to deal with all the consequences of your continuing unhealthy desires, which will get increasingly hard to stop, the longer they continue.
Anonymous
"The devil made me do it". How often have we said that to ourselves after doing something we know we shouldn't, yet again. New good habits are very difficult to form, and old bad habits are just as difficult to break. The very nature of a habit, as something you don't even have to think about doing, renders it difficult to change. And, as they say, it is so much easier to acquire a bad habit than to acquire a healthy one.
The most effective way to suppress a bad habit is to go cold turkey. Give yourself a long list of reasons why this habit simply can't be continued. Study all the research on what the consequences will be for you if you continue it. Convince yourself that if you don't quit now, it will be very painful for you in the future. And that if you do quit now, your future will be so much better; so much more fun. Then just quit completely right now. If you quit gradually, it will be too easy to slip back into your old routine.
It is easier to never to get started on something that you know you will regret later than to live with the results. It is easier to suppress the first desire than to satisfy all that follow. As they say, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure". Suppress the first desire. Don't give it a chance. If you don't get started smoking, you won't have to worry about having to buy cigarettes all the time, wanting to smoke in non-smoking areas or around people who clearly don't approve, getting lung cancer etc. It is easier to suppress the first desire than to have to deal with all the consequences of your continuing unhealthy desires, which will get increasingly hard to stop, the longer they continue.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Unhappiness
Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations: Edward De Bono.
What makes you unhappy? Most of us can list a lot of things that make us feel sad. These turn out to be usually things that we want but for one reason or another don't have right now. We feel sad when we do not have something we want, whether it is a sunny day, a loving relationship, a vacation, or a new dress. The most important part of this though, is that usually we feel sad that we don't have something we want because we beleive it is possible that we won't be able to, for whatever reason, get it anytime in the future either.
Even if we haven't had a vacation in years, if we knew we were going to get one next year, we wouldn't feel sad about it. We'd feel excited. We'd be really looking forward to it with happy anticipation. That's the difference that expectations make. If you know you will get something in the future you have hope. You are able to picture yourself having what you want because you know it is just a matter of time. You expect to get what you want, and that makes it much more real for you.
We often know what talents we have but don't really know how to use them effectively. Often we have talents that we didn't even know about. So for most people a lot or most of their talent goes unused or underutilized. It is when we are not using our talents adequately that our lives are unfulfilling, even meaningless. So our talents are a very important part of the equation of unhappiness.
Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations. When it comes down to it, unhappiness is the feeling that we are missing something and may never get it, and that something is ultimately the knowledge that we are utilizing our talents effectively. The happiest person is the one who expects to be able to utilize his talents effectively; to be the best he can be in this life.
What makes you unhappy? Most of us can list a lot of things that make us feel sad. These turn out to be usually things that we want but for one reason or another don't have right now. We feel sad when we do not have something we want, whether it is a sunny day, a loving relationship, a vacation, or a new dress. The most important part of this though, is that usually we feel sad that we don't have something we want because we beleive it is possible that we won't be able to, for whatever reason, get it anytime in the future either.
Even if we haven't had a vacation in years, if we knew we were going to get one next year, we wouldn't feel sad about it. We'd feel excited. We'd be really looking forward to it with happy anticipation. That's the difference that expectations make. If you know you will get something in the future you have hope. You are able to picture yourself having what you want because you know it is just a matter of time. You expect to get what you want, and that makes it much more real for you.
We often know what talents we have but don't really know how to use them effectively. Often we have talents that we didn't even know about. So for most people a lot or most of their talent goes unused or underutilized. It is when we are not using our talents adequately that our lives are unfulfilling, even meaningless. So our talents are a very important part of the equation of unhappiness.
Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations. When it comes down to it, unhappiness is the feeling that we are missing something and may never get it, and that something is ultimately the knowledge that we are utilizing our talents effectively. The happiest person is the one who expects to be able to utilize his talents effectively; to be the best he can be in this life.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Accept
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us -- Joseph Campbell
We all know the value of planning ahead. People are always asking us where we want to be 5 years from now, and how we are going to get there. I could never answer that question; it seemed too far out into the future. But I definately want to know what the plan is for this week or next week. I make appointments and figure out when the best time for me to do certain tasks. And I don't appreciate changes of plans. It is hard for people to let go of the need to know what the future holds. At some level, we all want the gypsy with the crystal ball. But I am learning to change that.
In order to enjoy life, we have to be flexible. Things do come up unexpectedly, not just in our own life but in the lives of those people we care about. Sometimes it does rain on our parade; and then we need to figure out the best way to cope with that, and to look for the gift in it (how that rain can benefit us). We could never plan for everything. We could never anticipate every eventuality. Even if we tried, it would leave us with no time to actually take action to move towards our goals.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. We must learn to let go and go with the flow of life. The Universe knows best what is the most benefical life for us to have, even if we can't see the benefit in it right away. Life has its own effortless course so it is much better for us to just go along with that than to fight it and demand it cooperate with our plans. The most unhappy people are the ones that insist that life do whatever they have planned. The happiest are the ones who know that everything that happens is for their own growth and improvement. They accept the life that is waiting for them
We all know the value of planning ahead. People are always asking us where we want to be 5 years from now, and how we are going to get there. I could never answer that question; it seemed too far out into the future. But I definately want to know what the plan is for this week or next week. I make appointments and figure out when the best time for me to do certain tasks. And I don't appreciate changes of plans. It is hard for people to let go of the need to know what the future holds. At some level, we all want the gypsy with the crystal ball. But I am learning to change that.
In order to enjoy life, we have to be flexible. Things do come up unexpectedly, not just in our own life but in the lives of those people we care about. Sometimes it does rain on our parade; and then we need to figure out the best way to cope with that, and to look for the gift in it (how that rain can benefit us). We could never plan for everything. We could never anticipate every eventuality. Even if we tried, it would leave us with no time to actually take action to move towards our goals.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. We must learn to let go and go with the flow of life. The Universe knows best what is the most benefical life for us to have, even if we can't see the benefit in it right away. Life has its own effortless course so it is much better for us to just go along with that than to fight it and demand it cooperate with our plans. The most unhappy people are the ones that insist that life do whatever they have planned. The happiest are the ones who know that everything that happens is for their own growth and improvement. They accept the life that is waiting for them
Monday, August 2, 2010
Opposite
The opposite of love is indifference, and the opposite of happiness is boredom. -- Tim Ferriss
We always think the opposite of love is hate. We think that because love is such an intense feeling of attraction, the opposite of love must be an intense feeling of repulsion. But we are missing something here. Whether we love a person or hate them, we are still caring about them. Even if we hate a person, they are very important to us. Since love is really about caring, the opposite of love must be about not caring. The opposite of love is being indifferent to someone.
We always think the opposite of happiness is sadness. This is because we associate happiness with having something and sadness with not having something. In our minds, if we don't have something we want, then we must be unhappy, and if we have something we want we must be happy. But happiness is not about having something. Happiness is about being glad we are alive. Happiness is about being able to act. Happiness is really about being able to make a difference in the world. The opposite of happiness is boredom. When we are bored we are unable to act purposefully to make a difference in the world. We don't even know what we want.
The ultimate failure in live is chronic indifference and boredom. Life is meant to be enjoyed actively because we care about other people and the world around us and want to interact with them. Real success is finding love and happiness in this way. It is essential to find out what you are passionate about and then to go out and do it, if you want to find real success in life.
We always think the opposite of love is hate. We think that because love is such an intense feeling of attraction, the opposite of love must be an intense feeling of repulsion. But we are missing something here. Whether we love a person or hate them, we are still caring about them. Even if we hate a person, they are very important to us. Since love is really about caring, the opposite of love must be about not caring. The opposite of love is being indifferent to someone.
We always think the opposite of happiness is sadness. This is because we associate happiness with having something and sadness with not having something. In our minds, if we don't have something we want, then we must be unhappy, and if we have something we want we must be happy. But happiness is not about having something. Happiness is about being glad we are alive. Happiness is about being able to act. Happiness is really about being able to make a difference in the world. The opposite of happiness is boredom. When we are bored we are unable to act purposefully to make a difference in the world. We don't even know what we want.
The ultimate failure in live is chronic indifference and boredom. Life is meant to be enjoyed actively because we care about other people and the world around us and want to interact with them. Real success is finding love and happiness in this way. It is essential to find out what you are passionate about and then to go out and do it, if you want to find real success in life.
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