It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
J. K. Rowling
What choices are you making in your life? What abilities are you demonstrating. What is the real reason that you are in the life situation that you currently find yourself in? To consciously answer those questions will take some thought. The biggest impediment to success is all those choices and abilities you don't even know about. Habits are very useful in their right place, but when we get to making choices we aren't even aware of having made, then we get into trouble.
Sometimes we make choices that are just to please someone else. We do whatever we think will make the other person happy, even if it does not support our own goals, or abilities. Sometimes we choose to do something just because that's the way it's always been done, failing to show any ambition or inititative to acheive a better life. Sometimes we make choices because we think we think there is a rule (spoken or unspoken) that we have to follow (for example if someone gives me a blue book and Joe a yellow book, I feel I have to have the blue book even though I'd prefer yellow (and Joe might prefer blue too), because that's what was given to me). None of these are conscious, authentic choices.
It is even our own choice whether to express our abilities. It is a choice we make to discover what abilities we have. It is not useful to us to have abilities we don't even know we have, or to use them in a way that does not benefit our own growth and development. When we make a conscious authentic choice to expresss our abilities in a positive constructive manner working towards our own goals, that says a lot about us. It says we are competent, and we know it, to make things happen. And that we care very much about our goals. And those are really the two main incredients for success.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Self-Awareness
I think self-awareness is probably the most important thing towards being a champion.
Billie Jean King
It is very easy in our society, being constantly bombarded with millions of marketing messages, and comments from others, to lose sight of who we are. We are constantly being told who to be by the media; and who we are by all the people around us, who really don't know but often think they do. And all these messages are very convincing, especially when they come from our family who we think ought to know us because they've been living with us for so long.
We get so busy in our daily lives that we simply don't get around to sitting quietly and asking ourselves "Who am I? What are my strengths and weaknesses? What do I really love and value (and not because someone told me I should)? What do I really want to accomplish in my life? What do I want to be remembered for when I am gone? We never learn to choose our battles, to say no to what is not important to who we are as a person. Because we don't know who we are as a person so we can't know what is important in supporting that.
If you are going to be a champion at anything, you need to be aware of yourself. You need to know your strengths so you can improve them, and your weaknesses so you can fix them or at least find a way to cover for them. You need to know what you value and what you want to accomplish so that you know what field of endeavor to strive towards being a champion in. You need to know what is possible for you and what is not so that you remain focused and choose your battles wisely. Set aside some time today to become aware of yourself, of who you really are.
Billie Jean King
It is very easy in our society, being constantly bombarded with millions of marketing messages, and comments from others, to lose sight of who we are. We are constantly being told who to be by the media; and who we are by all the people around us, who really don't know but often think they do. And all these messages are very convincing, especially when they come from our family who we think ought to know us because they've been living with us for so long.
We get so busy in our daily lives that we simply don't get around to sitting quietly and asking ourselves "Who am I? What are my strengths and weaknesses? What do I really love and value (and not because someone told me I should)? What do I really want to accomplish in my life? What do I want to be remembered for when I am gone? We never learn to choose our battles, to say no to what is not important to who we are as a person. Because we don't know who we are as a person so we can't know what is important in supporting that.
If you are going to be a champion at anything, you need to be aware of yourself. You need to know your strengths so you can improve them, and your weaknesses so you can fix them or at least find a way to cover for them. You need to know what you value and what you want to accomplish so that you know what field of endeavor to strive towards being a champion in. You need to know what is possible for you and what is not so that you remain focused and choose your battles wisely. Set aside some time today to become aware of yourself, of who you really are.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Bore
The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.
Voltaire
We sometimes talk about a bore as someone who talks on and on about himself and never lets us get a word in edgewise when we want to talk about ourself too and how we relate to what he has just said. We know that a good conversation consists of tossing the ball back and forth, and we resent it when that doesn't happen. But being a bore isn't just about not letting anyone else have their turn to talk.
When someone goes on and on talking about themself, there are no questions for us to ask. We are not curious about the way he feels about something or the way he sees something because he has already told us, or we expect him to tell us soon. We already know his experiences in life, perhaps more about him than we ever wanted to. There is nothing new to discover about him at all.
When someone just tells everything about himself, the listener gets bored because there is no mystery to engage her. The real joy in having a close relationship with someone else is in gradually finding out about who they are. It is the joy of wondering how they see their world, and gradually getting answers; of exploring all their similarities and differences with us, little by little. It is the mystery of another person which keeps us interested in them. When all is revealed too soon, our interest dies.
Voltaire
We sometimes talk about a bore as someone who talks on and on about himself and never lets us get a word in edgewise when we want to talk about ourself too and how we relate to what he has just said. We know that a good conversation consists of tossing the ball back and forth, and we resent it when that doesn't happen. But being a bore isn't just about not letting anyone else have their turn to talk.
When someone goes on and on talking about themself, there are no questions for us to ask. We are not curious about the way he feels about something or the way he sees something because he has already told us, or we expect him to tell us soon. We already know his experiences in life, perhaps more about him than we ever wanted to. There is nothing new to discover about him at all.
When someone just tells everything about himself, the listener gets bored because there is no mystery to engage her. The real joy in having a close relationship with someone else is in gradually finding out about who they are. It is the joy of wondering how they see their world, and gradually getting answers; of exploring all their similarities and differences with us, little by little. It is the mystery of another person which keeps us interested in them. When all is revealed too soon, our interest dies.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Solitude
Solitude sharpens awareness of small pleasures otherwise lost.
Kevin Patterson
Some of us actually fear solitude. We don't want to be alone with ourselves. We want to be surrounded by loving family and friends all the time. We don't know what to do with ourselves when there is not someone else there to entertain us. We need other people there to define us for ourselves. We don't know who we are and we are not sure we want to. We confuse solitude with loneliness.
But solitude is not the same as loneliness. There are times when we actually need solitude. We need time to get to know ourselves and how we really feel about what is going on around us. Our nervous system needs a rest every now and then from a constant bombardment of new stimuli. We need time to think quietly about what it is that we want to acheive in the future, and how we can get started on that. But most of all, we need time to "stop and smell the roses".
It is only when I am quiet and by myself that I am able to identify the more subtle physical feelings of how I am relating to my environment right now. Often being by ourselves engenders a desire to be quiet and still, and this is the only time we can really be aware of the small details of our environment. It's as though when we are with another person, they automatically take up most or all of our attention. Only when we are by ourselves can we really appreciate our environment, from the delicateness of a flower, to the majesty of a soaring eagle. Take time for solitude today.
Kevin Patterson
Some of us actually fear solitude. We don't want to be alone with ourselves. We want to be surrounded by loving family and friends all the time. We don't know what to do with ourselves when there is not someone else there to entertain us. We need other people there to define us for ourselves. We don't know who we are and we are not sure we want to. We confuse solitude with loneliness.
But solitude is not the same as loneliness. There are times when we actually need solitude. We need time to get to know ourselves and how we really feel about what is going on around us. Our nervous system needs a rest every now and then from a constant bombardment of new stimuli. We need time to think quietly about what it is that we want to acheive in the future, and how we can get started on that. But most of all, we need time to "stop and smell the roses".
It is only when I am quiet and by myself that I am able to identify the more subtle physical feelings of how I am relating to my environment right now. Often being by ourselves engenders a desire to be quiet and still, and this is the only time we can really be aware of the small details of our environment. It's as though when we are with another person, they automatically take up most or all of our attention. Only when we are by ourselves can we really appreciate our environment, from the delicateness of a flower, to the majesty of a soaring eagle. Take time for solitude today.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Lover
We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.-- Tom Robbins
We dream of the perfect lover. The knight in shining armour who will slay all our dragons. The hero on the movie screen who will sweep us off our feet and carry us off into the sunset. Marilyn Monroe. A fantasy partner who thinks we are the most wonderful thing in the world and will never get upset at anything we say or do. The list goes on. We want a lover who is stunningly beautiful, beleives the same things we do, never gets tired of listening to us talk, and who has no bad habits. But we also know from experience that this kind of person is pretty difficult to find in real life.
Why waste time looking for the perfect lover. Nobody is perfect. Perfect people only exist in the stories and on the movie screen. Real people have annoying habits. They are not often stunningly physically beautiful. They do get tired of listening to us talk because they want to talk about themselves sometimes too. They know we are not the most wonderful thing in the world; they have their own life without us too. They often get upset or annoyed at what we do, because we have our own bad habits too. But all of that is just part of being human.
Create the perfect love. My favorite Peanuts cartoon is when Charlie Brown finds the little red-headed girl's pencil and in a state of absolute reverence he beams "She nibbles on her pencil. SHE'S HUMAN!" Wouldn't it be nice if we could look at people this way more often? What if we loved everyone like that? People are not going to be perfect; so instead of wishing they were, it is much more constructive to love them for who they are, in all their imperfect human glory. We can all create the perfect love. It just is a matter of attitude and changing what you are looking for in someone.
We dream of the perfect lover. The knight in shining armour who will slay all our dragons. The hero on the movie screen who will sweep us off our feet and carry us off into the sunset. Marilyn Monroe. A fantasy partner who thinks we are the most wonderful thing in the world and will never get upset at anything we say or do. The list goes on. We want a lover who is stunningly beautiful, beleives the same things we do, never gets tired of listening to us talk, and who has no bad habits. But we also know from experience that this kind of person is pretty difficult to find in real life.
Why waste time looking for the perfect lover. Nobody is perfect. Perfect people only exist in the stories and on the movie screen. Real people have annoying habits. They are not often stunningly physically beautiful. They do get tired of listening to us talk because they want to talk about themselves sometimes too. They know we are not the most wonderful thing in the world; they have their own life without us too. They often get upset or annoyed at what we do, because we have our own bad habits too. But all of that is just part of being human.
Create the perfect love. My favorite Peanuts cartoon is when Charlie Brown finds the little red-headed girl's pencil and in a state of absolute reverence he beams "She nibbles on her pencil. SHE'S HUMAN!" Wouldn't it be nice if we could look at people this way more often? What if we loved everyone like that? People are not going to be perfect; so instead of wishing they were, it is much more constructive to love them for who they are, in all their imperfect human glory. We can all create the perfect love. It just is a matter of attitude and changing what you are looking for in someone.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Need
Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you
Erich Fromm
It is very easy to confuse the words "love" and "need". There is a very fine line between the two of them. For most of us, love is need. You need something whenever you feel worry or anxiety at the thought of losing it, or you feel sad or angry when you have lost it. For most of us, the more we love something the more frightened we are at the thought of losing it. We set up insurance policies, elaborate alarm systems etc. For many of us, the more we love someone, the more jealous we are of any potential competitors.
But to love something because you need it is an immature attitude. It is definately unhealthy when you are talking about human relationships, because nobody wants to be with someone who needs them in the sense that they are made responsible for that person's entire happiness. That's an impossible burden for anyone to carry because nobody can make another person happy. It is unhealthy in general too, however, for the same reason; that is because it is an impossible burden for any one object or situation to carry. It is never healthy to make your happiness and feelings of success dependant upon one person, thing, or situation.
Mature love says "I need you because I love you". Mature love acknowledges that the person, thing, or situation is desirable enough for them to do whatever it takes, as long as it is moral and ethical, in order to obtain it. But their entire happiness and feeling of being successful does not depend on them obtaining it. If they don't obtain it, that's okay too. It's a very subtle difference but it can be the difference between success and failure. When you need something it will run away from you, but when you love something it will come to you.
Erich Fromm
It is very easy to confuse the words "love" and "need". There is a very fine line between the two of them. For most of us, love is need. You need something whenever you feel worry or anxiety at the thought of losing it, or you feel sad or angry when you have lost it. For most of us, the more we love something the more frightened we are at the thought of losing it. We set up insurance policies, elaborate alarm systems etc. For many of us, the more we love someone, the more jealous we are of any potential competitors.
But to love something because you need it is an immature attitude. It is definately unhealthy when you are talking about human relationships, because nobody wants to be with someone who needs them in the sense that they are made responsible for that person's entire happiness. That's an impossible burden for anyone to carry because nobody can make another person happy. It is unhealthy in general too, however, for the same reason; that is because it is an impossible burden for any one object or situation to carry. It is never healthy to make your happiness and feelings of success dependant upon one person, thing, or situation.
Mature love says "I need you because I love you". Mature love acknowledges that the person, thing, or situation is desirable enough for them to do whatever it takes, as long as it is moral and ethical, in order to obtain it. But their entire happiness and feeling of being successful does not depend on them obtaining it. If they don't obtain it, that's okay too. It's a very subtle difference but it can be the difference between success and failure. When you need something it will run away from you, but when you love something it will come to you.
Success
The man of virtue makes the difficulty to be overcome his first business, and success only a subsequent consideration.
Confucius
Many of us long to be successful. We want to impress our friends and family. We want to be able to drive the fancy car and live in a luxurious mansion and go on exotic vacations. We want to have the lifestyle of the rich and famous. We are so fascinated by how these people live that we read the tabloids when we go to the grocery store, and devour every love affair, every scandal, every outfit that these people have. It's as though our own lives were painfully boring so we have to seek escape through reading about the lifestyles of someone more successful than ourselves.
But we don't have to be rich and famous to be successful. To be successful simply means to accomplish your goal. A parent of well-adjusted children is just as successful as any celebrity. So is anyone whose profession involves directly helping the public (doctor, police, firefighter, teacher etc). So is anyone who is doing well with their own business. And so, probably, are you. We tend to ignore our own successes because they never seem as impressive as the successes of someone else. But that is the wrong yardstick to compare them to. All that really matters is that we succeeded today where we failed yesterday.
In order to be successful, we must have a goal that is important to us. We must have an obstacle to overcome, a problem to solve. So the man of virtue makes the difficulty to be overcome his first business. The most important thing of all in determining how successful you are, is simply how big an obstacle or problem you had to overcome on the way to being successful. The harder the battle, the sweeter the victory. By that time, the outer rewards for success are actually not as important as the pride and confidence you feel when you know that you acheived a difficult and important goal.
Confucius
Many of us long to be successful. We want to impress our friends and family. We want to be able to drive the fancy car and live in a luxurious mansion and go on exotic vacations. We want to have the lifestyle of the rich and famous. We are so fascinated by how these people live that we read the tabloids when we go to the grocery store, and devour every love affair, every scandal, every outfit that these people have. It's as though our own lives were painfully boring so we have to seek escape through reading about the lifestyles of someone more successful than ourselves.
But we don't have to be rich and famous to be successful. To be successful simply means to accomplish your goal. A parent of well-adjusted children is just as successful as any celebrity. So is anyone whose profession involves directly helping the public (doctor, police, firefighter, teacher etc). So is anyone who is doing well with their own business. And so, probably, are you. We tend to ignore our own successes because they never seem as impressive as the successes of someone else. But that is the wrong yardstick to compare them to. All that really matters is that we succeeded today where we failed yesterday.
In order to be successful, we must have a goal that is important to us. We must have an obstacle to overcome, a problem to solve. So the man of virtue makes the difficulty to be overcome his first business. The most important thing of all in determining how successful you are, is simply how big an obstacle or problem you had to overcome on the way to being successful. The harder the battle, the sweeter the victory. By that time, the outer rewards for success are actually not as important as the pride and confidence you feel when you know that you acheived a difficult and important goal.
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