Need

Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you
Erich Fromm

It is very easy to confuse the words "love" and "need". There is a very fine line between the two of them. For most of us, love is need. You need something whenever you feel worry or anxiety at the thought of losing it, or you feel sad or angry when you have lost it. For most of us, the more we love something the more frightened we are at the thought of losing it. We set up insurance policies, elaborate alarm systems etc. For many of us, the more we love someone, the more jealous we are of any potential competitors.

But to love something because you need it is an immature attitude. It is definately unhealthy when you are talking about human relationships, because nobody wants to be with someone who needs them in the sense that they are made responsible for that person's entire happiness. That's an impossible burden for anyone to carry because nobody can make another person happy. It is unhealthy in general too, however, for the same reason; that is because it is an impossible burden for any one object or situation to carry. It is never healthy to make your happiness and feelings of success dependant upon one person, thing, or situation.

Mature love says "I need you because I love you". Mature love acknowledges that the person, thing, or situation is desirable enough for them to do whatever it takes, as long as it is moral and ethical, in order to obtain it. But their entire happiness and feeling of being successful does not depend on them obtaining it. If they don't obtain it, that's okay too. It's a very subtle difference but it can be the difference between success and failure. When you need something it will run away from you, but when you love something it will come to you.