Criticize

He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help.
Abraham Lincoln

We are constantly going around criticizing. We expect everybody to conform to our own wants and needs, even when we haven't told them what our wants and needs are. That homeless man shouldn't be asking for money because it's inconvenient for me, and it makes me feel guilty. He should be out working, or at least looking for work. That woman down the street shouldn't have such a loud party when I'm trying to sleep. She should be more considerate. People shouldn't be having abortions because they shouldn't have had sex in the first place. We seem to look for those things we don't want in people, so we find them, and then we criticize them.

But how often are we genuinely willing to help someone improve their behavior. Are we really willing to help that homeless man find work and/or a place to live? Are we willing to talk to the woman down the street about reaching some sort of compromise? Are we really willing to help those people avoid having sex too soon, or those who are pregnant and considering abortion, or those who are living with their children when they are just children themselves? Our talk is cheap.

He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help. What good does it really do to tell someone he is misbehaving without telling him a better way to behave? It leaves the person feeling bad about himself without having any way to redeem the situation, which isn't fair to them. For myself, that kind of criticism tends to make me angry, defensive, and stubborn. If you really want someone's behavior to change, don't just criticize them. Motivate and help them to change. Show them a better way. Once the person knows how to change, they are much more likely to give you what you want.