Conflict cannot survive without your participation.
Wayne Dyer
We are constantly in conflict with some thing or other. Eckhart Tolle even talks about a pain-body within us that wakes up every so often needing to feed on our own and other people's pain. It's like we don't even have control over ourselves. We are constantly getting into fights about things that really don't need to be fought over. And when we are not in conflict with other people, we are in conflict with ourselves. We are hurting ourselves and putting ourselves down, just as we do with others.
Conflict is what our ego feeds on. It makes us feel important, by giving us a sense of seperation and moral superiority. It gives us a sense of purpose; it seems to be what makes our life meaningful. In a very real way, we often don't really feel alive unless we are angry or jealous or resentful. But conflict is only good for our ego, it is not in any way good for the person we really are. We are really about love and we can't have love if we are busy fighting the other person.
But conflict can't survive without your participation. You do not have to choose to participate. We do so many things, including quarrel with others, out of sheer force of habit. We can change our habits, even if it takes a while. Imagine a world without conflict, with nobody fighting each other. It would be a paradise. With each time we choose to say no to some conflict (and it would help to start small and work up), it not only makes the world a better place, but it makes it easier for us, and for other people, to say no the next time to increasingly bigger conflicts.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Healthier
It is healthier to see the good points of others than to analyze our own bad ones. Francoise Sagan
How many faults of your own can you come up with? For most people it will be quite a few. We spend a huge amount of time criticizing ourselves. Sometimes we try to compare ourselves to an impossible ideal; we can never be rich enough or skinny enough. The advertising media love to cash in on our insecurities. They want us to beleive that unless we have the right make of car, for ex, we will never be rich or successful with the opposite sex. This is nonsense of course, but we are seduced into beleiving it when we are constantly bombarded with that kind of message.
It is probably the case that the more faults you see in yourself the more you will see in the people around you. Your attitude about the people around you will be reflected in their attitude towards you. We know underneath that all people are basically the same; so it stands to reason that if I am not a good person, if I have all these terrible faults, then other people must have them as well. And if other people know you think they have all these faults, they will start acting as if they did, too. And they won't like you or respect you.
It is much healthier to see the good points of others. For one thing, if we always compliment others on their good points, they will like us more and undoubtedly return the favor. Even more importantly, once again, we know underneath that all people are basically the same, so it stands to reason that if other people have all these good points, then I must have them as well. You feel better about yourself if you feel better about other people. Because we really are connected. Any opinions or feelings you send towards others do come back to you. So make sure they are good ones.
How many faults of your own can you come up with? For most people it will be quite a few. We spend a huge amount of time criticizing ourselves. Sometimes we try to compare ourselves to an impossible ideal; we can never be rich enough or skinny enough. The advertising media love to cash in on our insecurities. They want us to beleive that unless we have the right make of car, for ex, we will never be rich or successful with the opposite sex. This is nonsense of course, but we are seduced into beleiving it when we are constantly bombarded with that kind of message.
It is probably the case that the more faults you see in yourself the more you will see in the people around you. Your attitude about the people around you will be reflected in their attitude towards you. We know underneath that all people are basically the same; so it stands to reason that if I am not a good person, if I have all these terrible faults, then other people must have them as well. And if other people know you think they have all these faults, they will start acting as if they did, too. And they won't like you or respect you.
It is much healthier to see the good points of others. For one thing, if we always compliment others on their good points, they will like us more and undoubtedly return the favor. Even more importantly, once again, we know underneath that all people are basically the same, so it stands to reason that if other people have all these good points, then I must have them as well. You feel better about yourself if you feel better about other people. Because we really are connected. Any opinions or feelings you send towards others do come back to you. So make sure they are good ones.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Enemies
You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life
Winston Churchill
We all think that it's a bad thing to have enemies. We can't stand the idea that someone doesn't like us, doesn't approve of us. Some of us are so desperate for approval that we will do whatever anyone tells us to do in the vain hope that we will be liked by everyone. Which, of course backfires because almost nobody respects or likes someone who does whatever they say. But who wants an enemy. They may hurt us, they may destroy us. Or worst of all, they could laugh at us and their laughter could kill us inside.
But having enemies is not really a bad thing. The truth is that whatever we say and do, there will be someone somewhere who doesn't like it, and disapproves of us for doing it. Because we all have our own different view of the world, and what is a wonderful idea or action for one person will be a disaster to someone else. We cannot possibly be liked by everyone, or approved of by everyone, no matter what we do. The sooner we realize this, the better
The only people who have no enemies are those who have never had their own ideas, and their own values, have never spoken up and told others about what they really beleive in. Those who have never taken action towards a goal they value for fear that it might offend someone. Those people are the ones who are not really living. You don't want to be like them. You want enemies. It means that you've stood up for something sometime in your life; and that means you are really living.
Winston Churchill
We all think that it's a bad thing to have enemies. We can't stand the idea that someone doesn't like us, doesn't approve of us. Some of us are so desperate for approval that we will do whatever anyone tells us to do in the vain hope that we will be liked by everyone. Which, of course backfires because almost nobody respects or likes someone who does whatever they say. But who wants an enemy. They may hurt us, they may destroy us. Or worst of all, they could laugh at us and their laughter could kill us inside.
But having enemies is not really a bad thing. The truth is that whatever we say and do, there will be someone somewhere who doesn't like it, and disapproves of us for doing it. Because we all have our own different view of the world, and what is a wonderful idea or action for one person will be a disaster to someone else. We cannot possibly be liked by everyone, or approved of by everyone, no matter what we do. The sooner we realize this, the better
The only people who have no enemies are those who have never had their own ideas, and their own values, have never spoken up and told others about what they really beleive in. Those who have never taken action towards a goal they value for fear that it might offend someone. Those people are the ones who are not really living. You don't want to be like them. You want enemies. It means that you've stood up for something sometime in your life; and that means you are really living.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Fun
In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun and the job's a game.
Mary Poppins
It's all about attitude, about the way you see things. You can cry because it was raining when you wanted to have a picnic. Or you can be happy because it was raining and your car needed a wash. The same goes for how you see your work, or any one of the endless chores you feel like you have to get done during the day. You can hate your work and struggle through it grudgingly, or you can love your work and have the time pass quickly and productively. It's your choice.
I would define fun as the process of finding out that you are capable of something you never knew you could do before. If we look at fun in this way, there is always an element of fun in just about anything you could be doing. Because there will always be room for improvment in anything you do. Look at your job, whatever you are doing, the way a child would see it. A child sees everything around them as an opportunity to explore, learn, and grow. Unfortunately, most adults have forgotten this point of view.
Start exploring the task you have to do. Is there a way it can be done differently that might get better results? Why do you have to do it, could you reach the end result in a different, perhaps more efficient, way? Ask yourself what you can learn from this task? How might this task help you to grow (maybe by something as simple as helping you develop patience and perseverence)? In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun and the job's a game. And your life is that much more happy and enjoyable.
Mary Poppins
It's all about attitude, about the way you see things. You can cry because it was raining when you wanted to have a picnic. Or you can be happy because it was raining and your car needed a wash. The same goes for how you see your work, or any one of the endless chores you feel like you have to get done during the day. You can hate your work and struggle through it grudgingly, or you can love your work and have the time pass quickly and productively. It's your choice.
I would define fun as the process of finding out that you are capable of something you never knew you could do before. If we look at fun in this way, there is always an element of fun in just about anything you could be doing. Because there will always be room for improvment in anything you do. Look at your job, whatever you are doing, the way a child would see it. A child sees everything around them as an opportunity to explore, learn, and grow. Unfortunately, most adults have forgotten this point of view.
Start exploring the task you have to do. Is there a way it can be done differently that might get better results? Why do you have to do it, could you reach the end result in a different, perhaps more efficient, way? Ask yourself what you can learn from this task? How might this task help you to grow (maybe by something as simple as helping you develop patience and perseverence)? In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun and the job's a game. And your life is that much more happy and enjoyable.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Determination
Determination and perseverance move the world; thinking that others will do it for you is a sure way to fail.
Marva Collins
We so often hope that someone else will make our dreams come true. We wait for our Prince Charming to come and magically slay all our dragons so that we will happily live ever after. But that is something that only happens in fairy tales. We hope that our boss will give us the promotion we want. But unless we do something to influence that, he probably won't. And it is only the lonely people who sit and hope that some wonderful person will come up to them and ask to be their friend. We certainly can't count on that ever happening.
Determination and perseverance move the world. Instead of waiting for our Prince Charming to come, we need to learn how to slay all our own dragons. Instead of hoping our boss will give us that promotion, we need to actively show him why we deserve to be promoted by being the best possible employee. Instead of sitting and hoping that some wonderful person will come up to us and ask to be our freind, we need to actively search out that wonderful person and ask them to be our friend.
A successful person is a self-reliant person. While it is certainly true that nobody can be successful all by himself, a successful person doesn't just expect other people to help him. He actively gives them a good reason why that is to their benefit. He has a clear goal, determination, and perseverence. He knows where he is going and why, and that he expects to get there, and he can communicate all that to others. Other people admire his determination and perseverence so they start to beleive in his goal and want to help him get there. But he never expects other people to just do it for him. He can do most of it himself.
Marva Collins
We so often hope that someone else will make our dreams come true. We wait for our Prince Charming to come and magically slay all our dragons so that we will happily live ever after. But that is something that only happens in fairy tales. We hope that our boss will give us the promotion we want. But unless we do something to influence that, he probably won't. And it is only the lonely people who sit and hope that some wonderful person will come up to them and ask to be their friend. We certainly can't count on that ever happening.
Determination and perseverance move the world. Instead of waiting for our Prince Charming to come, we need to learn how to slay all our own dragons. Instead of hoping our boss will give us that promotion, we need to actively show him why we deserve to be promoted by being the best possible employee. Instead of sitting and hoping that some wonderful person will come up to us and ask to be our freind, we need to actively search out that wonderful person and ask them to be our friend.
A successful person is a self-reliant person. While it is certainly true that nobody can be successful all by himself, a successful person doesn't just expect other people to help him. He actively gives them a good reason why that is to their benefit. He has a clear goal, determination, and perseverence. He knows where he is going and why, and that he expects to get there, and he can communicate all that to others. Other people admire his determination and perseverence so they start to beleive in his goal and want to help him get there. But he never expects other people to just do it for him. He can do most of it himself.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Tested
To be tested is good. The challenged life may be the best therapist
Gail Sheehy
Imagine a life without challenges. Without problems. Without difficulties. Louis Lowry does a great job of describing that kind of life in "The Giver". What would you do? Sure, sitting down relaxing with a drink is very enjoyable for a short time but after a while you'd get pretty tired of it. We just aren't built to sit around and do nothing. God intended us to go out and get things down. To make a difference in the world. To help ourselves by helping everyone else.
To be tested is good. It is only when we are given a serious challenge to solve that we can rise to the difficulty. I never would have beleived I could deal with a child like my eldest one if I didn't have to actually do it. We have no idea of our capabilities until they are tested. We simply don't know what we can do until we try. But the only fair test for us is to measure ourselves against what we could do yesterday; as opposed to what other people have been able to do. We are not them, we don't have the same strengths (or weaknesses) that they do. Or the same circumstances.
The challenged life may be the best therapist. Anyone who complains that life is boring and meaningless and worthless does not have any goal to strive for, any challenge that they are motivated to try to overcome. Life is boring and meaningless and worthless if you have nothing to do and nowhere to go. Life is only enjoyable when we are solving problems, surmounting difficulties, and getting past obstacles; when we are taking action and moving forwards towards our goals. It is actually the challenges and difficulties that make life worth living.
Gail Sheehy
Imagine a life without challenges. Without problems. Without difficulties. Louis Lowry does a great job of describing that kind of life in "The Giver". What would you do? Sure, sitting down relaxing with a drink is very enjoyable for a short time but after a while you'd get pretty tired of it. We just aren't built to sit around and do nothing. God intended us to go out and get things down. To make a difference in the world. To help ourselves by helping everyone else.
To be tested is good. It is only when we are given a serious challenge to solve that we can rise to the difficulty. I never would have beleived I could deal with a child like my eldest one if I didn't have to actually do it. We have no idea of our capabilities until they are tested. We simply don't know what we can do until we try. But the only fair test for us is to measure ourselves against what we could do yesterday; as opposed to what other people have been able to do. We are not them, we don't have the same strengths (or weaknesses) that they do. Or the same circumstances.
The challenged life may be the best therapist. Anyone who complains that life is boring and meaningless and worthless does not have any goal to strive for, any challenge that they are motivated to try to overcome. Life is boring and meaningless and worthless if you have nothing to do and nowhere to go. Life is only enjoyable when we are solving problems, surmounting difficulties, and getting past obstacles; when we are taking action and moving forwards towards our goals. It is actually the challenges and difficulties that make life worth living.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Idleness
Idleness among children, as among men, is the root of all evil, and leads to no other evil more certain than ill temper.
Barrie Sir James
I've always beleived that there is nothing worse than boredom. When you have nothing to do you have nothing to feel. Depression sets in because we learn that we have no control over our situation. I still remember when I was pretty depressed my first year of university and my biology proffessor showed a film that was designed to make people angry about the persecution of wolves and how I indeed got very angry and made that clear to the proffessor but I felt wonderful because I could feel something even if it was just anger. And I could do something about it, even if it was just to voice my disapproval. (My proffessor and I got along very well after that)
We were designed to act, to learn about ourselves, to conquer obstacles, to reach goals. We are not meant for an easy life. When we are being idle, we are, in a very real way, not living. When we are idle, life has no meaning for us. It's like just plodding through a difficult task, as opposed to dancing in the rain. When we are idle, we have nothing to look forwards to. We know in our hearts that life is never going to get any better unless we do something to make it better.
We simply cannot be happy when we are idle. It often happens that the days that someone is struggling to reach success, when they are sleeping in their car and living on peanut butter and crackers, are the times they look back to as being the happiest times. Because they had a goal and they were busy doing something about it. We are happier living in miserable conditions and taking action than we are living in a palace and having nothing to do all day. When we are idle we are ill tempered and our frustration, resentment, and anger just creates trouble. Always make sure you have something to do, something to live for, something that makes you happy. Something to make your life worthwhile. Occasional rest is good and necessary, but idleness is a disaster waiting to happen.
Barrie Sir James
I've always beleived that there is nothing worse than boredom. When you have nothing to do you have nothing to feel. Depression sets in because we learn that we have no control over our situation. I still remember when I was pretty depressed my first year of university and my biology proffessor showed a film that was designed to make people angry about the persecution of wolves and how I indeed got very angry and made that clear to the proffessor but I felt wonderful because I could feel something even if it was just anger. And I could do something about it, even if it was just to voice my disapproval. (My proffessor and I got along very well after that)
We were designed to act, to learn about ourselves, to conquer obstacles, to reach goals. We are not meant for an easy life. When we are being idle, we are, in a very real way, not living. When we are idle, life has no meaning for us. It's like just plodding through a difficult task, as opposed to dancing in the rain. When we are idle, we have nothing to look forwards to. We know in our hearts that life is never going to get any better unless we do something to make it better.
We simply cannot be happy when we are idle. It often happens that the days that someone is struggling to reach success, when they are sleeping in their car and living on peanut butter and crackers, are the times they look back to as being the happiest times. Because they had a goal and they were busy doing something about it. We are happier living in miserable conditions and taking action than we are living in a palace and having nothing to do all day. When we are idle we are ill tempered and our frustration, resentment, and anger just creates trouble. Always make sure you have something to do, something to live for, something that makes you happy. Something to make your life worthwhile. Occasional rest is good and necessary, but idleness is a disaster waiting to happen.
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