The aim of education should be to teach us how to think, rather than what to think.
James Beattie
I think there is a lot wrong with the way I see education in today's schools. Every teacher I have talked to complains about the government's standardized tests because the government is setting the agenda for what people should know; instead of the school district which has a much better idea of what their students actually need to know. Teachers spend so much time on the generic government curriculum that they don't get time to teach anything else that they might be an expert in and/or that their students would find more useful.
There is a school in Massechussets which fascinates me because it is so radically different from the schools we all went to, and yet it works very well. In this school, there are no classes, no tests, no grades. The students can do whatever they want all day (this is a boarding school). It is completely democratic and since the students outnumber the staff they decide almost everything about the everyday running of the school, including who the staff (their "teachers") will be. And yet most students graduate from this school at the usual time and go off to conventional universities and do very well in them.
I think the beauty of this school is really that the students are not forced to follow a standardized curriculum that may not suit them (There are stories of children who didn't learn to read until they were age 11 but as soon as they decided they were ready they caught up to their peers within a few months because they were truly ready). These kids are taught how to think because they are forced to come up with a curriculum for themselves and how and when they are going to find the necessary information. And they really do rise to the occasion.
The aim of education should be to teach us how to think, rather than what to think. What we should think is changing all the time because the world around us is changing. There is real danger in clinging to outmoded ways of thinking and doing things. But if we learn how to think, then we are able to adapt to whatever life throws at us. We have a much better understanding of ourselves and our needs and wants, and are better able to find a way to satisfy them no matter what the outside conditions.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Feelings about Others
It's surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you're not comfortable within yourself, you can't be comfortable with others.” – Sydney J. Harris
Aside from your family, who you have no control over, other people, who you have chosen in some way to be in your life, are mirrors of yourself. You are in a way choosing those people who will validate your view of yourself, good or bad. We all want desperately to be validated. But we don't realize that by choosing certain people to be with us we are validating our idea of who we are instead of our idea of who we want to be.
Even, typically, when you choose a mate, you are choosing someone who will reflect your ideas of what personality characteristics you feel you are missing but really want to have. They are a reflection of what you want to be but feel that you are not. It is all about you and your needs, and the needier you are the more pronounced this tendency becomes.
There is a saying that whenever you point a finger at someone else in judgment, there are really three fingers pointing back at you. Just recently I judged someone harshly and even as I was doing it I knew that it was because she reminded me of all those things about myself that I would prefer not to face. She was in a way validating my critical opinion of myself. It wasn't about her faults, it was about mine.
This is something we all need to be aware of as we go around judging everyone. Instead of judging them we need to realize that we invited them into our lives for a reason. We need to ask ourselves "What can I learn about myself from this person? What can he/she tell me about where I need to improve?". And to recognize that if we are not comfortable being with them, it is because we are not comfortable being with ourselves. It is ourselves that we need to try to improve, not them.
Aside from your family, who you have no control over, other people, who you have chosen in some way to be in your life, are mirrors of yourself. You are in a way choosing those people who will validate your view of yourself, good or bad. We all want desperately to be validated. But we don't realize that by choosing certain people to be with us we are validating our idea of who we are instead of our idea of who we want to be.
Even, typically, when you choose a mate, you are choosing someone who will reflect your ideas of what personality characteristics you feel you are missing but really want to have. They are a reflection of what you want to be but feel that you are not. It is all about you and your needs, and the needier you are the more pronounced this tendency becomes.
There is a saying that whenever you point a finger at someone else in judgment, there are really three fingers pointing back at you. Just recently I judged someone harshly and even as I was doing it I knew that it was because she reminded me of all those things about myself that I would prefer not to face. She was in a way validating my critical opinion of myself. It wasn't about her faults, it was about mine.
This is something we all need to be aware of as we go around judging everyone. Instead of judging them we need to realize that we invited them into our lives for a reason. We need to ask ourselves "What can I learn about myself from this person? What can he/she tell me about where I need to improve?". And to recognize that if we are not comfortable being with them, it is because we are not comfortable being with ourselves. It is ourselves that we need to try to improve, not them.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Think
Where all think alike, no one thinks very much.
Walter Lipman
It is easy to agree with someone else. It requires no thought. We tend to just assume that the other person has done all the thinking and has come up with the most logical conclusion. But how many times have you done that and then been shocked later to find out that he really knows not much more than you do. There is the expression "the blind following the blind". But we do this all the time without even realising it.
How much are we thinking when we agree with someone else? Agreement just requires recognizing your own train of thought in someone else. But what happens if you disagree with someone? How much are you thinking then? If you are like me you are thinking up all kinds of reasons why he is wrong. And why you are right. That's a lot of thought. And going through that process helps you work out what you really do beleive. It might even make you change your mind.
This whole process is only amplified when there are many people all saying the same thing. We are even more likely to assume that at least one of them has done his homework. And that assumption is even more likely to be wrong. Peer pressure is a very powerful thing. But where all think alike, no one thinks very much. And when no one is thinking very much, nobody is learning and growing. Nobody is being challenged to really think about what he is saying. Dare to think differently. Dare to express a difference of opinion. It is essential not just for your own growth, but for everyone else's as well.
Walter Lipman
It is easy to agree with someone else. It requires no thought. We tend to just assume that the other person has done all the thinking and has come up with the most logical conclusion. But how many times have you done that and then been shocked later to find out that he really knows not much more than you do. There is the expression "the blind following the blind". But we do this all the time without even realising it.
How much are we thinking when we agree with someone else? Agreement just requires recognizing your own train of thought in someone else. But what happens if you disagree with someone? How much are you thinking then? If you are like me you are thinking up all kinds of reasons why he is wrong. And why you are right. That's a lot of thought. And going through that process helps you work out what you really do beleive. It might even make you change your mind.
This whole process is only amplified when there are many people all saying the same thing. We are even more likely to assume that at least one of them has done his homework. And that assumption is even more likely to be wrong. Peer pressure is a very powerful thing. But where all think alike, no one thinks very much. And when no one is thinking very much, nobody is learning and growing. Nobody is being challenged to really think about what he is saying. Dare to think differently. Dare to express a difference of opinion. It is essential not just for your own growth, but for everyone else's as well.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Enlightenment
Enlightenment is a destructive process: it's the crumbling away of untruth.
Adyashanti
I am a person who has always been even more terrified of destruction than I love to create. But the simple truth is that you can't create something without destroying something else. There is only so much stuff in the world. The only way to get something new is to get rid of something else in order to make room for it. This goes so far as the experience that many people have that as soon as they clean up their house, something that they've been wanting suddenly arrives.
From the time we are born, we are learning untruths. We learn from the media and from the people around us what men and women and "African-Americans" and "First Nations" and other groups of people are supposed to behave like. We have stereotypes of what a woman does. There used to be a book out many years ago about "Real Women Don't Pump Gas". That was, of course, before we had to pump gas whether we wanted to or not. But that's the way we are trained to think. Real Women do certain things and Real Men do certain other things.
Enlightenment is a destructive process: it's the crumbling away of untruth. It is only when we can move past all these conceptions about how we are supposed to behave that we discover who we really are and how we are really meant to behave. It can be extremely difficult to crumble away those untruths we have learned. It is very difficult for most of us to ignore what we are seeing around us, even when we know that it is misleading us. But it is something we must all do as much as and as quickly as we can. We don't have to create ourselves. We just have to find a way to brush off all the dirt and garbage so that our real selves can shine through.
Adyashanti
I am a person who has always been even more terrified of destruction than I love to create. But the simple truth is that you can't create something without destroying something else. There is only so much stuff in the world. The only way to get something new is to get rid of something else in order to make room for it. This goes so far as the experience that many people have that as soon as they clean up their house, something that they've been wanting suddenly arrives.
From the time we are born, we are learning untruths. We learn from the media and from the people around us what men and women and "African-Americans" and "First Nations" and other groups of people are supposed to behave like. We have stereotypes of what a woman does. There used to be a book out many years ago about "Real Women Don't Pump Gas". That was, of course, before we had to pump gas whether we wanted to or not. But that's the way we are trained to think. Real Women do certain things and Real Men do certain other things.
Enlightenment is a destructive process: it's the crumbling away of untruth. It is only when we can move past all these conceptions about how we are supposed to behave that we discover who we really are and how we are really meant to behave. It can be extremely difficult to crumble away those untruths we have learned. It is very difficult for most of us to ignore what we are seeing around us, even when we know that it is misleading us. But it is something we must all do as much as and as quickly as we can. We don't have to create ourselves. We just have to find a way to brush off all the dirt and garbage so that our real selves can shine through.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Hero
A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself.
Joseph Campbell
It is interesting that we all really admire those people who have dedicated their life to something other than their own individual needs. We all worship those people who have been able to break free of their ego. Jesus. Muhammad. Buddha. There were just more extreme examples of people who broke free of their ego and committed themselves to higher ideals, to improving other people's lives. To those of us who are unable to do that, they are heroes indeed.
We all must know, somewhere deep down, that there is more to life than just satisfying the demands of our own ego. Accumulating pleasures for ourselves is just not satisfying after a while. And the more things we find that make us happy, the more frightened we get that we will lose them some day. They often become over time more of a pain than a pleasure. No matter how many wonderful things we are able to find for ourselves, we still don't feel good about ourselves. We know, deep down, that something is missing.
It is human nature to love people for those aspects of their personality that we want for ourselves but can't find in ourselves. And of course the less we feel that we have that desirable personality trait, the more we love those people who have it. We feel as if they will make us whole, will fill the spiritual hole that we know we have inside. And they certainly help, at least for a while. So it is no surprise that the one kind of person that all of us love the very most, is one who loves not just himself; not even just us, but everyone. A hero is someone who wants to help not just himself but also everyone else, who cares not just for himself but for us too.
Joseph Campbell
It is interesting that we all really admire those people who have dedicated their life to something other than their own individual needs. We all worship those people who have been able to break free of their ego. Jesus. Muhammad. Buddha. There were just more extreme examples of people who broke free of their ego and committed themselves to higher ideals, to improving other people's lives. To those of us who are unable to do that, they are heroes indeed.
We all must know, somewhere deep down, that there is more to life than just satisfying the demands of our own ego. Accumulating pleasures for ourselves is just not satisfying after a while. And the more things we find that make us happy, the more frightened we get that we will lose them some day. They often become over time more of a pain than a pleasure. No matter how many wonderful things we are able to find for ourselves, we still don't feel good about ourselves. We know, deep down, that something is missing.
It is human nature to love people for those aspects of their personality that we want for ourselves but can't find in ourselves. And of course the less we feel that we have that desirable personality trait, the more we love those people who have it. We feel as if they will make us whole, will fill the spiritual hole that we know we have inside. And they certainly help, at least for a while. So it is no surprise that the one kind of person that all of us love the very most, is one who loves not just himself; not even just us, but everyone. A hero is someone who wants to help not just himself but also everyone else, who cares not just for himself but for us too.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Saving Time
"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save."
Will Rogers
Here is an interesting idea. How often have you had to "hurry up and wait" lately? We are always trying to do everything more efficiently. We multitask, trying to do as many things as possible at the same time. The younger generation are real experts at it, finding it easy to text message someone, work on the computer, and watch a movie all at the same time. I could never do that. But it has been shown that all this multitasking is actually less efficient than doing one thing at a time. Because any one thing is not done as well as it could be if you focused all your attention on it.
So what do we do with all this time that we have saved. We don't have any more time now than we did before all the labor saving household appliances were invented. Because we just find new things to fill up the extra time. We are desperate for things to occupy our minds and bodies. We rush to buy pet rocks and certificates saying that distant stars have been named after us. And peices of toast that supposedly have some faint image of Christ on them. We are willing to pay big bucks for entertainment, much more than we are willing to pay for practical things or for knowledge.
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. But are we any further ahead from saving all this time? Hurrying up in order to wait is a frustrating lack of balance in our lives. It would be much better to relax and do your tasks as effectively as possible by taking them one at a time. And then when it comes time to do something fun, you won't be too stressed out and tired to enjoy that and you will have a much better idea of what would be the best way to spend your downtime.
Will Rogers
Here is an interesting idea. How often have you had to "hurry up and wait" lately? We are always trying to do everything more efficiently. We multitask, trying to do as many things as possible at the same time. The younger generation are real experts at it, finding it easy to text message someone, work on the computer, and watch a movie all at the same time. I could never do that. But it has been shown that all this multitasking is actually less efficient than doing one thing at a time. Because any one thing is not done as well as it could be if you focused all your attention on it.
So what do we do with all this time that we have saved. We don't have any more time now than we did before all the labor saving household appliances were invented. Because we just find new things to fill up the extra time. We are desperate for things to occupy our minds and bodies. We rush to buy pet rocks and certificates saying that distant stars have been named after us. And peices of toast that supposedly have some faint image of Christ on them. We are willing to pay big bucks for entertainment, much more than we are willing to pay for practical things or for knowledge.
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. But are we any further ahead from saving all this time? Hurrying up in order to wait is a frustrating lack of balance in our lives. It would be much better to relax and do your tasks as effectively as possible by taking them one at a time. And then when it comes time to do something fun, you won't be too stressed out and tired to enjoy that and you will have a much better idea of what would be the best way to spend your downtime.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Wrong
"No persons are more frequently wrong, than those who will not admit they are wrong."
Duc De La Rochefoucauld
We often encounter people who will not admit they are wrong. Maybe you have met one of those people who always have to be the center of attention, are never wrong and are better at anyone else than any particular thing. My mother is like that. I have learned that it is a sign of emotional trauma. Somewhere along the way, probably back in childhood, these people have been told that they are not important , not competant, and always wrong. And their ego overcompensates to cope with the damage.
The truth is that most of us start off being wrong. We do things we regret later. We fail. And the first step to learning from our mistakes is having someone supportive point out that we made a mistake (which is not always obvious to us in the beginning). If we don't listen to that person in the first place because we won't admit that we were wrong, then we can't learn what we need to learn to fix the mistake or avoid making it again in the future.
If we can't deal with being wrong, then we will not listen to the advice of those who would help us. If we can't tolerate making a mistake, we will not learn from them. The only way anyone can get better and become successful is to admit that he was wrong, he made a mistake, and he failed. Then he can learn from his mistakes and from the people around him who are trying to help him succeed. Never be afraid to say you screwed up. Because admitting you screwed up is the essential part of making sure you don't screw up next time too. It is essential to your learning, growing, and succeeding.
Duc De La Rochefoucauld
We often encounter people who will not admit they are wrong. Maybe you have met one of those people who always have to be the center of attention, are never wrong and are better at anyone else than any particular thing. My mother is like that. I have learned that it is a sign of emotional trauma. Somewhere along the way, probably back in childhood, these people have been told that they are not important , not competant, and always wrong. And their ego overcompensates to cope with the damage.
The truth is that most of us start off being wrong. We do things we regret later. We fail. And the first step to learning from our mistakes is having someone supportive point out that we made a mistake (which is not always obvious to us in the beginning). If we don't listen to that person in the first place because we won't admit that we were wrong, then we can't learn what we need to learn to fix the mistake or avoid making it again in the future.
If we can't deal with being wrong, then we will not listen to the advice of those who would help us. If we can't tolerate making a mistake, we will not learn from them. The only way anyone can get better and become successful is to admit that he was wrong, he made a mistake, and he failed. Then he can learn from his mistakes and from the people around him who are trying to help him succeed. Never be afraid to say you screwed up. Because admitting you screwed up is the essential part of making sure you don't screw up next time too. It is essential to your learning, growing, and succeeding.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Fear
What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do.
Timothy Ferris
It is an interesting phenomenon that what people need most, they push away most. It is what they judge as bad, what they resent, what they fear. Part of this is undoubtedly because of our fear of failure. We don't want to leave our comfort zone in case we get hurt. The more we want something, the more we need it, then the greater the risk that we are taking to get it seems. And the greater the disaster if we fail. We become so afraid of not getting what we want that we need to find some excuse to avoid the whole thing. So we judge it as bad.
Sometimes we really don't know what it is that we need the most. We think that what we need is something that will fix whatever problem that we are dealing with right now. We can't see the forest for the trees. We haven't stopped to identify and prioritize our values and what is really most important to us in life. We're just going around putting out fires as they occur instead of finding a way to prevent those fires in the first place.
What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do. Someone said that all the wealth you want is hidden behind doing what you are afraid to do. Once you break through that barrier, then everything works out well. But you have to do what you are afraid of in order to grow. Life is one big risk. If you never take risks and open yourself up to failure, you never live. You never experience the rewards of life. And you become more and more fearful.
What you are most afraid of is the thing that will take you out of your comfort zone and force you to grow, to become a better person. And the good news is that once you do that, then the next time you are afraid it is easier to take that risk. Welcome fear. It will point out to you what you need to work on next, where you need to take action next in order to be successful.
Timothy Ferris
It is an interesting phenomenon that what people need most, they push away most. It is what they judge as bad, what they resent, what they fear. Part of this is undoubtedly because of our fear of failure. We don't want to leave our comfort zone in case we get hurt. The more we want something, the more we need it, then the greater the risk that we are taking to get it seems. And the greater the disaster if we fail. We become so afraid of not getting what we want that we need to find some excuse to avoid the whole thing. So we judge it as bad.
Sometimes we really don't know what it is that we need the most. We think that what we need is something that will fix whatever problem that we are dealing with right now. We can't see the forest for the trees. We haven't stopped to identify and prioritize our values and what is really most important to us in life. We're just going around putting out fires as they occur instead of finding a way to prevent those fires in the first place.
What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do. Someone said that all the wealth you want is hidden behind doing what you are afraid to do. Once you break through that barrier, then everything works out well. But you have to do what you are afraid of in order to grow. Life is one big risk. If you never take risks and open yourself up to failure, you never live. You never experience the rewards of life. And you become more and more fearful.
What you are most afraid of is the thing that will take you out of your comfort zone and force you to grow, to become a better person. And the good news is that once you do that, then the next time you are afraid it is easier to take that risk. Welcome fear. It will point out to you what you need to work on next, where you need to take action next in order to be successful.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Vote
"Every time you spend money, you're casting a vote for the kind of world you want."
Anna Lappe
This is an interesting idea. Most of us don't really think about the choices we make when we spend money. We see something that we like or think we need, and then we buy it. Often the only thing we stop to think about is the price of the product and whether we could get a better deal somewhere else. Retailers have all kinds of tricks to get you to buy their products and we get taken in by them, all the time. We tend to buy things on impulse. It looks good, we decide quickly that we want it and then we buy it. And how often have you bought something and taken it home, and then wondered what you were thinking of when you bought it because you really don't want or need it?
We see voting as something we do when there is a political election but we are really voting with every choice we make. The problem is that usually we fail to consider the consequences of choosing one thing over another. We tend to be unaware that when we go to Walmart and buy something because it is cheaper there than anywhere else that it was probably made in some sweatshop. There is a reason why the stuff at Walmart is so cheap and it isn't just because they're such a big company.
When you buy something just because it is cheap, you are casting your vote for a world with sweatshops and pollution, a world without the regulations and quality control standards that the goods made in developed countries have. You are casting a vote for unemployment in your country because you are buying goods built overseas; since ones made by companies that hire people in your community cost more to make because of the cost of having a minimum wage, labor unions, and good working conditions.
Think about that the next time you go to Walmart just because it's cheap.
We need to be more informed consumers. We need to ask questions about where our favorite products are made and under what conditions? We need to think about our real motivations for choosing one product over another. Is the cost of something really more important to us than the quality of it? Does the product satisfy a temporary want or a long-term need (in other words, how practical is it)? What kind of world do we really want, and how can we choose products that align more closely with our own values? Every time you spend money, you're casting a vote for the kind of world you want. Let's cast an intelligent and well-informed vote. Stop to think about the choice you are making, before you run out and buy a certain product.
Anna Lappe
This is an interesting idea. Most of us don't really think about the choices we make when we spend money. We see something that we like or think we need, and then we buy it. Often the only thing we stop to think about is the price of the product and whether we could get a better deal somewhere else. Retailers have all kinds of tricks to get you to buy their products and we get taken in by them, all the time. We tend to buy things on impulse. It looks good, we decide quickly that we want it and then we buy it. And how often have you bought something and taken it home, and then wondered what you were thinking of when you bought it because you really don't want or need it?
We see voting as something we do when there is a political election but we are really voting with every choice we make. The problem is that usually we fail to consider the consequences of choosing one thing over another. We tend to be unaware that when we go to Walmart and buy something because it is cheaper there than anywhere else that it was probably made in some sweatshop. There is a reason why the stuff at Walmart is so cheap and it isn't just because they're such a big company.
When you buy something just because it is cheap, you are casting your vote for a world with sweatshops and pollution, a world without the regulations and quality control standards that the goods made in developed countries have. You are casting a vote for unemployment in your country because you are buying goods built overseas; since ones made by companies that hire people in your community cost more to make because of the cost of having a minimum wage, labor unions, and good working conditions.
Think about that the next time you go to Walmart just because it's cheap.
We need to be more informed consumers. We need to ask questions about where our favorite products are made and under what conditions? We need to think about our real motivations for choosing one product over another. Is the cost of something really more important to us than the quality of it? Does the product satisfy a temporary want or a long-term need (in other words, how practical is it)? What kind of world do we really want, and how can we choose products that align more closely with our own values? Every time you spend money, you're casting a vote for the kind of world you want. Let's cast an intelligent and well-informed vote. Stop to think about the choice you are making, before you run out and buy a certain product.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
God
God seeks comrades and claims love, the Devil seeks slaves and claims obedience.
Rabindranath Tagore
I always have a very hard time listening to people talk about Jesus, Lord and Master. Jesus isn't any Lord and Master. Jesus would have seen himself more as a servant. Lord and Master was a phrase that cam from a time when people (even the Lords) were ignorant, a kind of Dark Ages in which most people lived like slaves with total obedience to their Lord's will. God isn't about living in the Dark Ages or about total obedience. It is the Devil that seeks slaves and claims obedience.
God seeks comrades. After all, he did create us in his own image, or so the Bible says. God is more of a leader, developing a team of comrades to accomplish the mission of creating a better world. And like any good leader, God delegates, telling us what God wants done and leaving us to figure out the best way of doing it. God does not give us explicit instructions for what to do which we are to obey unquestioningly. God gave us free will for a reason. We get to choose the way to fulfill God's mission that works best for us, given our unique set of strengths and weaknesses and desires.
The Devil seeks slaves. Actually I don't beleive in the devil as such but think it may be possible to subsitute the ego here. The ego seeks slaves. It is human ego and the need to seek power over other men that has dominated the church throughout its history. It is human ego that demands obedience from other men; not God. It is human ego that seperates others, makes them seem worse, and needs to tell them what must be done because it doesn't beleive that these others have the intelligence or resources to decide for themselves what should be done. Never confuse God with human ego. Claim allegience to God and not to human ego. Be a comrade of God's and work in the service of love. And exersise your free will to do what is best for you in that mission.
Rabindranath Tagore
I always have a very hard time listening to people talk about Jesus, Lord and Master. Jesus isn't any Lord and Master. Jesus would have seen himself more as a servant. Lord and Master was a phrase that cam from a time when people (even the Lords) were ignorant, a kind of Dark Ages in which most people lived like slaves with total obedience to their Lord's will. God isn't about living in the Dark Ages or about total obedience. It is the Devil that seeks slaves and claims obedience.
God seeks comrades. After all, he did create us in his own image, or so the Bible says. God is more of a leader, developing a team of comrades to accomplish the mission of creating a better world. And like any good leader, God delegates, telling us what God wants done and leaving us to figure out the best way of doing it. God does not give us explicit instructions for what to do which we are to obey unquestioningly. God gave us free will for a reason. We get to choose the way to fulfill God's mission that works best for us, given our unique set of strengths and weaknesses and desires.
The Devil seeks slaves. Actually I don't beleive in the devil as such but think it may be possible to subsitute the ego here. The ego seeks slaves. It is human ego and the need to seek power over other men that has dominated the church throughout its history. It is human ego that demands obedience from other men; not God. It is human ego that seperates others, makes them seem worse, and needs to tell them what must be done because it doesn't beleive that these others have the intelligence or resources to decide for themselves what should be done. Never confuse God with human ego. Claim allegience to God and not to human ego. Be a comrade of God's and work in the service of love. And exersise your free will to do what is best for you in that mission.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Education
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
Andy McIntyre & Derek Bok
Education is expensive. Tuition costs at universities just keep going up. And then you have to add up the costs of books and equipment. And textbooks these days seem to often cost about a hundred dollars each. And then there may be the costs of room and board added onto that. It's enough to make anyone stop and think about whether it is really worth going to university anyway.
We often get so caught up in thinking about the cost of something when we aren't sure we have enough money for it that we fail to consider the benefits. It is not a question of whether something is too expensive but a question of whether the benefits outweigh the costs. I know how hard that is to beleive when one doesn't have much money. But the truth is that one always has a choice about what one does with one's disposable income (that is after they've paid for simple food and basic housing). It's a case of determining priorities. And the way of determining priorities is to consider benefit versus cost.
Another question is what is the cost of saying no. Yes you will have more money for other things. But what is the cost of ignorance? It is the cost of not being able to make an informed decision about what you want to do with your life, where you want to devote your time and energy. It is the cost of not being able to understand why things happen and what you can do about it. It is the cost of not being able to get the best jobs, or the steadiest income in the future. It can be the cost of being miserable because you are not living up to your potential and you know it. To me the cost of ignorance is far more than the cost of education.
Andy McIntyre & Derek Bok
Education is expensive. Tuition costs at universities just keep going up. And then you have to add up the costs of books and equipment. And textbooks these days seem to often cost about a hundred dollars each. And then there may be the costs of room and board added onto that. It's enough to make anyone stop and think about whether it is really worth going to university anyway.
We often get so caught up in thinking about the cost of something when we aren't sure we have enough money for it that we fail to consider the benefits. It is not a question of whether something is too expensive but a question of whether the benefits outweigh the costs. I know how hard that is to beleive when one doesn't have much money. But the truth is that one always has a choice about what one does with one's disposable income (that is after they've paid for simple food and basic housing). It's a case of determining priorities. And the way of determining priorities is to consider benefit versus cost.
Another question is what is the cost of saying no. Yes you will have more money for other things. But what is the cost of ignorance? It is the cost of not being able to make an informed decision about what you want to do with your life, where you want to devote your time and energy. It is the cost of not being able to understand why things happen and what you can do about it. It is the cost of not being able to get the best jobs, or the steadiest income in the future. It can be the cost of being miserable because you are not living up to your potential and you know it. To me the cost of ignorance is far more than the cost of education.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Poverty
Where there is no wealth there is no poverty.
- African Proverb
Our minds seem to be built for comparing. We learn very early to categorize things in order to make sense of our world, and in order to do that we must compare them. The trouble with comparing things is that soon we are judging them. We identify the ways that two things are different from each other so that we know what category to put them into. Then we decide which things we prefer. And soon we are deciding that we want this kind of object and we don’t want that kind.
Whenever we judge two things and decide what we want, we are rejecting the one that we don’t want. We are rejecting a creation of God, and that is not a good thing. God doesn’t reject anything, and to be like God is what our soul yearns for. Since we judge everything, often unconsciously, the only way we can avoid rejecting something is when its opposite becomes unavailable. In other words we need to stop trying to put everything into categories, and just appreciate its qualities all on their own. We must learn not to desire one thing and reject the other.
Where there is no wealth, there is no poverty. Imagine a world where we just focused on the amount of money we had without constantly comparing it to the amount of money that other, usually wealthier, people had. What if we had no concept of what wealthy was? If you don’t think that wealthy is, for example, having a million dollars, then you won’t see yourself as not wealthy if you have less than a million dollars. You simply have the amount that you have and you don’t put a label, or a judgment, on it. You may want more money but you won’t see that as essential in order to be wealthy, or successful. Because you won’t see yourself as poor without it.
- African Proverb
Our minds seem to be built for comparing. We learn very early to categorize things in order to make sense of our world, and in order to do that we must compare them. The trouble with comparing things is that soon we are judging them. We identify the ways that two things are different from each other so that we know what category to put them into. Then we decide which things we prefer. And soon we are deciding that we want this kind of object and we don’t want that kind.
Whenever we judge two things and decide what we want, we are rejecting the one that we don’t want. We are rejecting a creation of God, and that is not a good thing. God doesn’t reject anything, and to be like God is what our soul yearns for. Since we judge everything, often unconsciously, the only way we can avoid rejecting something is when its opposite becomes unavailable. In other words we need to stop trying to put everything into categories, and just appreciate its qualities all on their own. We must learn not to desire one thing and reject the other.
Where there is no wealth, there is no poverty. Imagine a world where we just focused on the amount of money we had without constantly comparing it to the amount of money that other, usually wealthier, people had. What if we had no concept of what wealthy was? If you don’t think that wealthy is, for example, having a million dollars, then you won’t see yourself as not wealthy if you have less than a million dollars. You simply have the amount that you have and you don’t put a label, or a judgment, on it. You may want more money but you won’t see that as essential in order to be wealthy, or successful. Because you won’t see yourself as poor without it.
Fear
What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do.
Timothy Ferris
It is an interesting phenomenon that what people need most, they push away most. It is what they judge as bad, what they resent, what they fear. Part of this is undoubtedly because of our fear of failure. We don't want to leave our comfort zone in case we get hurt. The more we want something, the more we need it, then the greater the risk that we are taking to get it seems. And the greater the disaster if we fail. We become so afraid of not getting what we want that we need to find some excuse to avoid the whole thing. So we judge it as bad.
Sometimes we really don't know what it is that we need the most. We think that what we need is something that will fix whatever problem that we are dealing with right now. We can't see the forest for the trees. We haven't stopped to identify and prioritize our values and what is really most important to us in life. We're just going around putting out fires as they occur instead of finding a way to prevent those fires in the first place.
What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do. Someone said that all the wealth you want is hidden behind doing what you are afraid to do. Once you break through that barrier, then everything works out well. But you have to do what you are afraid of in order to grow. Life is one big risk. If you never take risks and open yourself up to failure, you never live. You never experience the rewards of life. And you become more and more fearful.
What you are most afraid of is the thing that will take you out of your comfort zone and force you to grow, to become a better person. And the good news is that once you do that, then the next time you are afraid it is easier to take that risk. Welcome fear. It will point out to you what you need to work on next, where you need to take action next in order to be successful.
Timothy Ferris
It is an interesting phenomenon that what people need most, they push away most. It is what they judge as bad, what they resent, what they fear. Part of this is undoubtedly because of our fear of failure. We don't want to leave our comfort zone in case we get hurt. The more we want something, the more we need it, then the greater the risk that we are taking to get it seems. And the greater the disaster if we fail. We become so afraid of not getting what we want that we need to find some excuse to avoid the whole thing. So we judge it as bad.
Sometimes we really don't know what it is that we need the most. We think that what we need is something that will fix whatever problem that we are dealing with right now. We can't see the forest for the trees. We haven't stopped to identify and prioritize our values and what is really most important to us in life. We're just going around putting out fires as they occur instead of finding a way to prevent those fires in the first place.
What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do. Someone said that all the wealth you want is hidden behind doing what you are afraid to do. Once you break through that barrier, then everything works out well. But you have to do what you are afraid of in order to grow. Life is one big risk. If you never take risks and open yourself up to failure, you never live. You never experience the rewards of life. And you become more and more fearful.
What you are most afraid of is the thing that will take you out of your comfort zone and force you to grow, to become a better person. And the good news is that once you do that, then the next time you are afraid it is easier to take that risk. Welcome fear. It will point out to you what you need to work on next, where you need to take action next in order to be successful.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Love
The pleasure of love is in loving; we are happier in the passion we feel than in the passion we inspire
François de la Rochefoucauld
It is hard for most of us to seperate the joy of loving someone else with the joy of them loving us. It is only when we love someone who doesn't love us back that we can seperate the two. But most of the time when someone we love doesn't love us back, it will make us perhaps sad or perhaps angry but it certainly doesn't make us feel happy. But in those situations we don't really love the other person as much as we love the anticipation and hope of getting something back.
I had the rare opportunity several years ago to experience what it is like to love someone else that I don't know and will never know much less have an intimate relationship with. I learned that it is far more satisfying to be in that kind of "hopeless" situation than it would be if I thought an intimate relationship may have been possible. I discovered that I didn't have to worry about whether I was giving him enough, whether he was giving me enough, or will he still love me in the morning. There was none of the fear and anxiety that normally accompanys relationships in the beginning. There was only my love for him. And it felt great.
When we love someone like that, we are effectively getting our ego out of the way. It is not about me and how much I am going to get, it is about them and how beautiful they are. And that's the way it should be. The passion we inspire may disappear at any time but the passion we feel will stay as long as we want it to. And that is what makes us happy. We are putting our focus where it should be, which is on appreciating our world, and the people in it, just the way it is and just the way they are.
François de la Rochefoucauld
It is hard for most of us to seperate the joy of loving someone else with the joy of them loving us. It is only when we love someone who doesn't love us back that we can seperate the two. But most of the time when someone we love doesn't love us back, it will make us perhaps sad or perhaps angry but it certainly doesn't make us feel happy. But in those situations we don't really love the other person as much as we love the anticipation and hope of getting something back.
I had the rare opportunity several years ago to experience what it is like to love someone else that I don't know and will never know much less have an intimate relationship with. I learned that it is far more satisfying to be in that kind of "hopeless" situation than it would be if I thought an intimate relationship may have been possible. I discovered that I didn't have to worry about whether I was giving him enough, whether he was giving me enough, or will he still love me in the morning. There was none of the fear and anxiety that normally accompanys relationships in the beginning. There was only my love for him. And it felt great.
When we love someone like that, we are effectively getting our ego out of the way. It is not about me and how much I am going to get, it is about them and how beautiful they are. And that's the way it should be. The passion we inspire may disappear at any time but the passion we feel will stay as long as we want it to. And that is what makes us happy. We are putting our focus where it should be, which is on appreciating our world, and the people in it, just the way it is and just the way they are.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Motivation
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.
Zig Ziglar
People often say that motivation doesn't last. But that doesn't mean that you should not bother with it. What would happen if nobody bathed because cleanliness didn't last. Actually the whole point of bathing is precisely because cleanliness doesn't last. In our daily lives, we are continually getting dirty. We can't help it. And so we need to bathe. And in our daily lives, our minds are continually getting just as "dirty" as our bodies are. We can't help that either. And so we need to get motivated. In a way it is like bathing for the mind.
There is a strong temptation to get really motivated to do something, to find out all the reasons why it must be accomplished, and then to go about your business and next year you're wondering why that thing didn't get done. It was because you expected your motivation to last. And it doesn't, any more than a flower lasts through the winter. Like a flower that can't cope with the cold and snow on top of it, our motivation can't cope with the negativity and endless "emergencies" that come up all the time in our daily lives. It needs to be continually replanted.
You must replenish your motivation every day. You must remind yourself every day why you need to get a particular goal accomplished. You must get excited about your goal every day. Otherwise your noble intentions will just get lost in all the "dirt", the negative energies and constant competing requests for attention that you will inevitably encounter every day. And without motivation, how will you ever acheive your goals?
Zig Ziglar
People often say that motivation doesn't last. But that doesn't mean that you should not bother with it. What would happen if nobody bathed because cleanliness didn't last. Actually the whole point of bathing is precisely because cleanliness doesn't last. In our daily lives, we are continually getting dirty. We can't help it. And so we need to bathe. And in our daily lives, our minds are continually getting just as "dirty" as our bodies are. We can't help that either. And so we need to get motivated. In a way it is like bathing for the mind.
There is a strong temptation to get really motivated to do something, to find out all the reasons why it must be accomplished, and then to go about your business and next year you're wondering why that thing didn't get done. It was because you expected your motivation to last. And it doesn't, any more than a flower lasts through the winter. Like a flower that can't cope with the cold and snow on top of it, our motivation can't cope with the negativity and endless "emergencies" that come up all the time in our daily lives. It needs to be continually replanted.
You must replenish your motivation every day. You must remind yourself every day why you need to get a particular goal accomplished. You must get excited about your goal every day. Otherwise your noble intentions will just get lost in all the "dirt", the negative energies and constant competing requests for attention that you will inevitably encounter every day. And without motivation, how will you ever acheive your goals?
Friday, January 15, 2010
Money
You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.
P. J. O'Rourke
At first glance this sounds like a strange proposition. You may well think "Isn't that the only way to get rid of poverty? What's wrong with just giving someone whatever they don't have? Why won't that help them?"
The truth is that poverty isn't about a lack of money, any more than being happy is about having lots of money. Poverty is either a mindset or a lack of skills, and giving a poor person money will not change their mindset, or give them new skills (although it might make it easier for them to acquire schooling or training if they already know what skills they need).
We have all heard the story about the lottery winners who are bankrupt within 5 years because they never could change their mindset and never learned money management skills. For most poor people it is not obvious at all what they need to learn in order to become rich and most importantly stay rich. Most of us have never really been taught how to manage money. Nor have we been taught that money is not the end goal but simply a tool for other things. Nor that there is enough money to go around and we can always get more. I certainly wasn't and I came from an upper middle class family.
We all know the story about if you want to feed a hungry man, don't just give him a fish. Instead teach him how to fish. If you want to help a poor person, don't give him money. Give him a hand. Teach him how to get and manage money for himself. Tell him the truth about money and change his mindset about it. One person at a time, we can change the world together.
P. J. O'Rourke
At first glance this sounds like a strange proposition. You may well think "Isn't that the only way to get rid of poverty? What's wrong with just giving someone whatever they don't have? Why won't that help them?"
The truth is that poverty isn't about a lack of money, any more than being happy is about having lots of money. Poverty is either a mindset or a lack of skills, and giving a poor person money will not change their mindset, or give them new skills (although it might make it easier for them to acquire schooling or training if they already know what skills they need).
We have all heard the story about the lottery winners who are bankrupt within 5 years because they never could change their mindset and never learned money management skills. For most poor people it is not obvious at all what they need to learn in order to become rich and most importantly stay rich. Most of us have never really been taught how to manage money. Nor have we been taught that money is not the end goal but simply a tool for other things. Nor that there is enough money to go around and we can always get more. I certainly wasn't and I came from an upper middle class family.
We all know the story about if you want to feed a hungry man, don't just give him a fish. Instead teach him how to fish. If you want to help a poor person, don't give him money. Give him a hand. Teach him how to get and manage money for himself. Tell him the truth about money and change his mindset about it. One person at a time, we can change the world together.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Change
When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
Viktor Frankl
There are times when we can not change the situation we are in. Nothing we do or say will make a difference. If you are imprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp, for instance, there is nothing you can say or do that will get you out of there. That's the ultimate kind of obstacle to reaching your dreams. Something that drastic doesn't happen to most of us, or happen very often. But even in that kind of desperate situation, it doesn't have to be the end of us.
We can change ourselves. We can change our way of looking at the situation. Frustration comes from seeing the situation as hopeless. We find frustration because we are so focused on what we want that we start to think of not getting that specific result as being a disaster. We think our happiness and success depends on getting the result we want. And when we don't get what we want we start to panic. But all that does is make us miserable. And it makes us forget that there are other ways of looking at the situation and other kinds of good results that can come out of it.
When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. We are challenged to find ways of creating results that are not what we had originally hoped for but the best they can be under these circumstances. There were people in Nazi concentration camps who survived by using their time in solitary confinement to think about their relationships, especially with God, and the things they would do if and when they were rescued. By thinking about other things than how painful and annoying it was to be shut up and destined for death, they managed to live until they actually were rescued.
It is all about mental attitude. If they can do that in such desperate circumstances, the rest of us can do it. If you can't change the situation, just find a way to change your attitude about it.
Viktor Frankl
There are times when we can not change the situation we are in. Nothing we do or say will make a difference. If you are imprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp, for instance, there is nothing you can say or do that will get you out of there. That's the ultimate kind of obstacle to reaching your dreams. Something that drastic doesn't happen to most of us, or happen very often. But even in that kind of desperate situation, it doesn't have to be the end of us.
We can change ourselves. We can change our way of looking at the situation. Frustration comes from seeing the situation as hopeless. We find frustration because we are so focused on what we want that we start to think of not getting that specific result as being a disaster. We think our happiness and success depends on getting the result we want. And when we don't get what we want we start to panic. But all that does is make us miserable. And it makes us forget that there are other ways of looking at the situation and other kinds of good results that can come out of it.
When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. We are challenged to find ways of creating results that are not what we had originally hoped for but the best they can be under these circumstances. There were people in Nazi concentration camps who survived by using their time in solitary confinement to think about their relationships, especially with God, and the things they would do if and when they were rescued. By thinking about other things than how painful and annoying it was to be shut up and destined for death, they managed to live until they actually were rescued.
It is all about mental attitude. If they can do that in such desperate circumstances, the rest of us can do it. If you can't change the situation, just find a way to change your attitude about it.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Poverty
Where there is no wealth there is no poverty.
- African Proverb
Our minds seem to be built for comparing. We learn very early to categorize things in order to make sense of our world, and in order to do that we must compare them. The trouble with comparing things is that soon we are judging them. We identify the ways that two things are different from each other so that we know what category to put them into. Then we decide which things we prefer. And soon we are deciding that we want this kind of object and we don’t want that kind.
Whenever we judge two things and decide what we want, we are rejecting the one that we don’t want. We are rejecting a creation of God, and that is not a good thing. God doesn’t reject anything, and to be like God is what our soul yearns for. Since we judge everything, often unconsciously, the only way we can avoid rejecting something is when its opposite becomes unavailable. In other words we need to stop trying to put everything into categories, and just appreciate its qualities all on their own. We must learn not to desire one thing and reject the other.
Where there is no wealth, there is no poverty. Imagine a world where we just focused on the amount of money we had without constantly comparing it to the amount of money that other, usually wealthier, people had. What if we had no concept of what wealthy was? If you don’t think that wealthy is, for example, having a million dollars, then you won’t see yourself as not wealthy if you have less than a million dollars. You simply have the amount that you have and you don’t put a label, or a judgment, on it. You may want more money but you won’t see that as essential in order to be wealthy, or successful. Because you won’t see yourself as poor without it.
- African Proverb
Our minds seem to be built for comparing. We learn very early to categorize things in order to make sense of our world, and in order to do that we must compare them. The trouble with comparing things is that soon we are judging them. We identify the ways that two things are different from each other so that we know what category to put them into. Then we decide which things we prefer. And soon we are deciding that we want this kind of object and we don’t want that kind.
Whenever we judge two things and decide what we want, we are rejecting the one that we don’t want. We are rejecting a creation of God, and that is not a good thing. God doesn’t reject anything, and to be like God is what our soul yearns for. Since we judge everything, often unconsciously, the only way we can avoid rejecting something is when its opposite becomes unavailable. In other words we need to stop trying to put everything into categories, and just appreciate its qualities all on their own. We must learn not to desire one thing and reject the other.
Where there is no wealth, there is no poverty. Imagine a world where we just focused on the amount of money we had without constantly comparing it to the amount of money that other, usually wealthier, people had. What if we had no concept of what wealthy was? If you don’t think that wealthy is, for example, having a million dollars, then you won’t see yourself as not wealthy if you have less than a million dollars. You simply have the amount that you have and you don’t put a label, or a judgment, on it. You may want more money but you won’t see that as essential in order to be wealthy, or successful. Because you won’t see yourself as poor without it.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Brick Walls
Brick walls are there for a reason. They give us a chance to show how badly we want something
Randy Pausch
Ever feel like you have run into a brick wall. You couldn't think of a way to get around it. So you just quit. We have probably all felt like that at least once. There are so many reasons why we can't get to our goal. Sometimes it's because our parents, or spouse, or children would disapprove of our venture. Sometimes it's because we can't afford what we need to reach our goal. Sometimes it is because some law or social convention prevents us from doing what we need to do. Sometimes we feel like we don't have the necessary education or contacts or equipment to reach our goal.
When we encounter a brick wall like this, whether we quit or not depends on how badly we want it. If the rewards of reaching our goal are greater than the difficulties of trying to find a way of getting it, we will push forward and find a way to reach it. But if we are not really serious about reaching our goal and the potential rewards are not as great as the inconveniences and problems associated with reaching it, then we are just not going to try very hard. And we will quit after a while. Because our goal just isn't worth it.
It is also true, of course that whether we quit or not depends on whether we are confident that we can succeed. That's the other part of the equation. Even if you want something badly, if you beleive that there is no way to get around this brick wall, you will not find a way around it. You will get frustrated and quit. But if you want something badly enough, if there is no turning back because you "burned your boats" you will find a way to get around the brick wall even if you are not confident about your ability to get what you want.
The next time you run up against a brick wall, look at it differently. It is not an obstacle as much as a proving ground. It is there so that you can prove your love for what you want to acheive. It is there so you can prove your commitment and dedication to your goal. It is there to help you refine your character.
Randy Pausch
Ever feel like you have run into a brick wall. You couldn't think of a way to get around it. So you just quit. We have probably all felt like that at least once. There are so many reasons why we can't get to our goal. Sometimes it's because our parents, or spouse, or children would disapprove of our venture. Sometimes it's because we can't afford what we need to reach our goal. Sometimes it is because some law or social convention prevents us from doing what we need to do. Sometimes we feel like we don't have the necessary education or contacts or equipment to reach our goal.
When we encounter a brick wall like this, whether we quit or not depends on how badly we want it. If the rewards of reaching our goal are greater than the difficulties of trying to find a way of getting it, we will push forward and find a way to reach it. But if we are not really serious about reaching our goal and the potential rewards are not as great as the inconveniences and problems associated with reaching it, then we are just not going to try very hard. And we will quit after a while. Because our goal just isn't worth it.
It is also true, of course that whether we quit or not depends on whether we are confident that we can succeed. That's the other part of the equation. Even if you want something badly, if you beleive that there is no way to get around this brick wall, you will not find a way around it. You will get frustrated and quit. But if you want something badly enough, if there is no turning back because you "burned your boats" you will find a way to get around the brick wall even if you are not confident about your ability to get what you want.
The next time you run up against a brick wall, look at it differently. It is not an obstacle as much as a proving ground. It is there so that you can prove your love for what you want to acheive. It is there so you can prove your commitment and dedication to your goal. It is there to help you refine your character.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Tranquility.
"When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it's useless to seek it elsewhere"
Francois Rochefoucauld
I think we often go looking for other peope who possess traits we wish we had but felt we didn't. We tend to use people as a way to fill up some hole within us. Especially when we are looking for mates, we are attracted to a loud person if we are "too" quiet, or a quiet person if we are "too" loud. We look for someone with the personality traits that we wish we had so that they can somehow complete us.
It is interesting that apparently when people get divorced, very often it is the trait that attracted them so much in the first place about the other person that now drives them crazy. The truth is that other people can never make us whole. Only we can do that. Only we can give ourselves the quiet, or the loud, or whatever other trait, that we need to feel whole. And we do that by understanding that we are whole and complete people in the first place. We learn that both the quiet and the loudness were in us all along, just looking for a way to be expressed.
When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it's useless to seek it elsewhere. If we want tranquility, we must learn to find it within ourselves, nurture it, and give it expression. Only we can do this for ourselves. The best another person could ever do is to encourage you to find those "missing" parts of yourself, by loving you as the whole person you really are. But never rely on them to provide directly those traits you are missing; because they can't, and you will probably end up resenting them for it.
Francois Rochefoucauld
I think we often go looking for other peope who possess traits we wish we had but felt we didn't. We tend to use people as a way to fill up some hole within us. Especially when we are looking for mates, we are attracted to a loud person if we are "too" quiet, or a quiet person if we are "too" loud. We look for someone with the personality traits that we wish we had so that they can somehow complete us.
It is interesting that apparently when people get divorced, very often it is the trait that attracted them so much in the first place about the other person that now drives them crazy. The truth is that other people can never make us whole. Only we can do that. Only we can give ourselves the quiet, or the loud, or whatever other trait, that we need to feel whole. And we do that by understanding that we are whole and complete people in the first place. We learn that both the quiet and the loudness were in us all along, just looking for a way to be expressed.
When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it's useless to seek it elsewhere. If we want tranquility, we must learn to find it within ourselves, nurture it, and give it expression. Only we can do this for ourselves. The best another person could ever do is to encourage you to find those "missing" parts of yourself, by loving you as the whole person you really are. But never rely on them to provide directly those traits you are missing; because they can't, and you will probably end up resenting them for it.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
"If a man is called to be a street sweeper ..."
"If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or as Beethoven composed music or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say "here lived a great sweet sweeper who did his job well". Martin Luther King
Anyone can do a great job, no matter what their job is. You don't have to be a CEO to change the world. I am reminded of the story of the mentally retarded person who was a grocery store bagger and hit upon the idea of finding inspirational quotes, cutting them out and putting one in each person's bag with their groceries. With that, in addition to the exceptionally cheerful friendliness that mentally retarded people usually have, he was soon the most popular bagger around. Whatever lineup he was in usually had three times as many people as any other. He was doing an outstanding job even though his position was a lowly one. He left the world a better place. Anyone in any job can make a real difference in people's lives.
Just because someone is meant to be a street sweeper because he doesn't have the education or whatever to do a more esteemed job doesn't mean that his job has to be nothing more than a chore. It's all about attitude. To do an outstanding job you must have the attitude that what you do really matters in the world. Streets need to be swept; although we usually don't appreciate this fact until they are not swept. To do an outstanding job, one must ask "how can I sweep these streets better than anyone else, better than people expect? And any job becomes much more interesting when you give yourself a challenge like that. It becomes a challenge, and challenges are what we are meant to thrive on.
Look upon your work as an art form. What can you do to transform your chores into a work of art? How can you use your work to inspire others and leave the world a better place? Instead of grumbling about how useless and pointless your tasks are, look for those ways that they are useful and purposeful either to the company or to the public, and then do your best to fulfill and increase that purpose and usefulness. Anyone, in any position, doing any task, can do an outstanding job. Do your work so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say "here lived a great worker who did his job well". Your life will be much happier and more productive because of it.
Anyone can do a great job, no matter what their job is. You don't have to be a CEO to change the world. I am reminded of the story of the mentally retarded person who was a grocery store bagger and hit upon the idea of finding inspirational quotes, cutting them out and putting one in each person's bag with their groceries. With that, in addition to the exceptionally cheerful friendliness that mentally retarded people usually have, he was soon the most popular bagger around. Whatever lineup he was in usually had three times as many people as any other. He was doing an outstanding job even though his position was a lowly one. He left the world a better place. Anyone in any job can make a real difference in people's lives.
Just because someone is meant to be a street sweeper because he doesn't have the education or whatever to do a more esteemed job doesn't mean that his job has to be nothing more than a chore. It's all about attitude. To do an outstanding job you must have the attitude that what you do really matters in the world. Streets need to be swept; although we usually don't appreciate this fact until they are not swept. To do an outstanding job, one must ask "how can I sweep these streets better than anyone else, better than people expect? And any job becomes much more interesting when you give yourself a challenge like that. It becomes a challenge, and challenges are what we are meant to thrive on.
Look upon your work as an art form. What can you do to transform your chores into a work of art? How can you use your work to inspire others and leave the world a better place? Instead of grumbling about how useless and pointless your tasks are, look for those ways that they are useful and purposeful either to the company or to the public, and then do your best to fulfill and increase that purpose and usefulness. Anyone, in any position, doing any task, can do an outstanding job. Do your work so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say "here lived a great worker who did his job well". Your life will be much happier and more productive because of it.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Talents
"Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best."
Henry Van Dyke
Have you ever felt like "I am good at this but Joe is even better. There's no way I can compete with him so I won't even try. I will have to find something else that nobody can do better than me". Unfortunately it is really difficult to find a talent you possess that nobody can do better than you. There will always be greater people than yourself at any particular talent at a given time. The only way you can become the best at something is to spend years perfecting your talent, consistently working on improving it every single day in any way you can. You have to dedicate your whole life to something if you want to be the best.
But just because you aren't willing to put in all the hours and dedicate your life to becoming the best guitar player ever doesn't mean that you should give up on playing the guitar. What counts is that you really enjoy playing the guitar in your spare time and the people around you really enjoy listening to it. It's perfectly okay just to be good instead of great. People will still appreciate the fact that you can play the guitar better than they can (and that they don't have to pay a fortune to listen an expert when they probably don't know enough about playing the guitar to appreciate the difference anyway), and feed on the joy you get from playing it.
Use what talents you possess. The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best. There can only be a very few people who are the best at what they do. If everyone else stopped working (or playing) because they weren't as good, our society would fall apart. We can't all be the best. Sometimes our life situation doesn't allow us to focus on developing our talents to that great a degree. But we can still enjoy developing them to whatever degree we can, and other people can still benefit from them even if they aren't so polished. Don't compare yourself with others and find yourself wanting. Just celebrate whatever talents you have to the degree that you can comfortably do that. We are all eager to see what you can do, even if someone else can do it better.
Henry Van Dyke
Have you ever felt like "I am good at this but Joe is even better. There's no way I can compete with him so I won't even try. I will have to find something else that nobody can do better than me". Unfortunately it is really difficult to find a talent you possess that nobody can do better than you. There will always be greater people than yourself at any particular talent at a given time. The only way you can become the best at something is to spend years perfecting your talent, consistently working on improving it every single day in any way you can. You have to dedicate your whole life to something if you want to be the best.
But just because you aren't willing to put in all the hours and dedicate your life to becoming the best guitar player ever doesn't mean that you should give up on playing the guitar. What counts is that you really enjoy playing the guitar in your spare time and the people around you really enjoy listening to it. It's perfectly okay just to be good instead of great. People will still appreciate the fact that you can play the guitar better than they can (and that they don't have to pay a fortune to listen an expert when they probably don't know enough about playing the guitar to appreciate the difference anyway), and feed on the joy you get from playing it.
Use what talents you possess. The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best. There can only be a very few people who are the best at what they do. If everyone else stopped working (or playing) because they weren't as good, our society would fall apart. We can't all be the best. Sometimes our life situation doesn't allow us to focus on developing our talents to that great a degree. But we can still enjoy developing them to whatever degree we can, and other people can still benefit from them even if they aren't so polished. Don't compare yourself with others and find yourself wanting. Just celebrate whatever talents you have to the degree that you can comfortably do that. We are all eager to see what you can do, even if someone else can do it better.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Weaknesses
Since others have to tolerate my weaknesses, it is only fair that I should tolerate theirs.
William Allen White
Most of us go around constantly complaining about other people's weaknesses. "Why can't he pick up after himself?" "Why is she always late?" "Why is he so obnoxious?" Why is she so lazy?" And on and on. We are constantly judging other people and finding them to be lacking, to be not satisfactory. To not live up to the standard that we have created in our own minds about how people should behave.
But the truth is that we don't live up to that standard either. And deep down we know it. We are just as judgmental about our own weaknesses as we are about the weaknesses of other people. We all wish we were better people. Most of us could easily come up with a long list of the things we don't like about ourselves. We need to stop and appreciate that everyone in the world has both strengths and weaknesses. So maybe it is much better to just get rid of our standards and accept people as a total package of who they are, strengths and weaknesses combined.
Since others have to tolerate your weaknesses, it is only fair that you should tolerate theirs. Most of us are so fixated on our own needs and desires that we forget about what other people need and desire from us. We forget that our own weaknesses might be annoying other people just as much as their weaknesses annoy us. We expect other people to put up with our weaknesses yet are reluctant to return the favor. This is unreasonable. We all should tolerate each others weaknesses, and our own, because we should be looking at their strengths as something so desirable that their weaknesses don't matter.
William Allen White
Most of us go around constantly complaining about other people's weaknesses. "Why can't he pick up after himself?" "Why is she always late?" "Why is he so obnoxious?" Why is she so lazy?" And on and on. We are constantly judging other people and finding them to be lacking, to be not satisfactory. To not live up to the standard that we have created in our own minds about how people should behave.
But the truth is that we don't live up to that standard either. And deep down we know it. We are just as judgmental about our own weaknesses as we are about the weaknesses of other people. We all wish we were better people. Most of us could easily come up with a long list of the things we don't like about ourselves. We need to stop and appreciate that everyone in the world has both strengths and weaknesses. So maybe it is much better to just get rid of our standards and accept people as a total package of who they are, strengths and weaknesses combined.
Since others have to tolerate your weaknesses, it is only fair that you should tolerate theirs. Most of us are so fixated on our own needs and desires that we forget about what other people need and desire from us. We forget that our own weaknesses might be annoying other people just as much as their weaknesses annoy us. We expect other people to put up with our weaknesses yet are reluctant to return the favor. This is unreasonable. We all should tolerate each others weaknesses, and our own, because we should be looking at their strengths as something so desirable that their weaknesses don't matter.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Duty
"When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty." George Bernard Shaw
This is an interesting quote. I am not sure that it is necessarily "stupid" men who behave like that. I think that we have been told from day one that our duty is to do what other people, who are supposedly wiser than we are, tell us to do. We learn that it is our duty to make other people happy. In our society, we are expected to do what we are told to do, which is very often not what we want to do, or what is right for us.
When we do something we are ashamed of, it means that we are doing something that we don't agree with or feel good while doing it; that we don't think is a good idea, and are afraid other people will think it is not a good idea either. Sometimes our efforts to do what other people want and make them happy lead to situations where we compromise ourselves and do things that we really don't want to do. Other people can't possibly know what is best for us in any case so they frequently tell us to do things that are really not in our best interest. Things that make us feel ashamed of ourselves.
"When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty. We have been trained from the time we are born to be victims. To be controlled by someone else, whether it be parents, babysitters, teachers, the police, or the government. We learn that it is our duty to do what those other people want, to make them happy. So we do those things that we really don't want to do and know aren't good for us, in the name of duty. We have to come up with some excuse why we are doing what we don't want to do, so we say we are doing it out of duty.
But a wise man knows that the only duty he has is to himself. He doesn't always have to please other people; he was born to please himself. He knows that when he feels good about what he has done, then he will naturally feel better about other people too, and more inclined to help them in those ways they need to be helped. A wise man never does something he is ashamed of. That is never his duty.
This is an interesting quote. I am not sure that it is necessarily "stupid" men who behave like that. I think that we have been told from day one that our duty is to do what other people, who are supposedly wiser than we are, tell us to do. We learn that it is our duty to make other people happy. In our society, we are expected to do what we are told to do, which is very often not what we want to do, or what is right for us.
When we do something we are ashamed of, it means that we are doing something that we don't agree with or feel good while doing it; that we don't think is a good idea, and are afraid other people will think it is not a good idea either. Sometimes our efforts to do what other people want and make them happy lead to situations where we compromise ourselves and do things that we really don't want to do. Other people can't possibly know what is best for us in any case so they frequently tell us to do things that are really not in our best interest. Things that make us feel ashamed of ourselves.
"When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty. We have been trained from the time we are born to be victims. To be controlled by someone else, whether it be parents, babysitters, teachers, the police, or the government. We learn that it is our duty to do what those other people want, to make them happy. So we do those things that we really don't want to do and know aren't good for us, in the name of duty. We have to come up with some excuse why we are doing what we don't want to do, so we say we are doing it out of duty.
But a wise man knows that the only duty he has is to himself. He doesn't always have to please other people; he was born to please himself. He knows that when he feels good about what he has done, then he will naturally feel better about other people too, and more inclined to help them in those ways they need to be helped. A wise man never does something he is ashamed of. That is never his duty.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Self-esteem
Persons of high self esteem are not driven to make themselves superior to others; they do not seek to prove their value by measuring themselves against a comparative standard. Their joy is being who they are, not in being better than someone else.
Nathaniel Branden
It is those people who think the least of themselves who tell everyone that they are the greatest people around. So often someone seems to be vain and haughty when in reality they are actually afraid that they are worse than everyone else. It is as though they are trying to convince themselves that they are good enough and defining that as being at least as good as the people surrounding them. They compare themselves with others.
Only someone who is happy with who they are can afford not to compare himself with others. Someone who feels they are worse than others has already compared themselves with others and now can't disentangle himself from that. Since being worse than others is so intolerable, now he feels that he must be better than they are in order to be acceptable to himself. Once he beleives his value is in relation to others, the only tolerable conclusion is that he must be better than they are. The further the pendulum has swung the one way, the farther it must swing back the other way.
I have a daughter who, when criticized, points out that she is better than my other daughter because my other daughter can't do something that she can. I reply that it is true but then my other daughter can do something that she can't. It is pointless to compare yourself to other people because there will always be some things that they do better than you can, and some things that you do better than they can.
Everyone has an equal value without having to be the same, just as men and women as seperate groups have an equal value even though they have many differences. You can never be better than anyone else, but you can never be worse than they are either. Everyone has their own unique set of both strengths and weaknesses. Make your joy in being the wonderful person that you are, not in being better than someone else. Celebrate yourself.
Nathaniel Branden
It is those people who think the least of themselves who tell everyone that they are the greatest people around. So often someone seems to be vain and haughty when in reality they are actually afraid that they are worse than everyone else. It is as though they are trying to convince themselves that they are good enough and defining that as being at least as good as the people surrounding them. They compare themselves with others.
Only someone who is happy with who they are can afford not to compare himself with others. Someone who feels they are worse than others has already compared themselves with others and now can't disentangle himself from that. Since being worse than others is so intolerable, now he feels that he must be better than they are in order to be acceptable to himself. Once he beleives his value is in relation to others, the only tolerable conclusion is that he must be better than they are. The further the pendulum has swung the one way, the farther it must swing back the other way.
I have a daughter who, when criticized, points out that she is better than my other daughter because my other daughter can't do something that she can. I reply that it is true but then my other daughter can do something that she can't. It is pointless to compare yourself to other people because there will always be some things that they do better than you can, and some things that you do better than they can.
Everyone has an equal value without having to be the same, just as men and women as seperate groups have an equal value even though they have many differences. You can never be better than anyone else, but you can never be worse than they are either. Everyone has their own unique set of both strengths and weaknesses. Make your joy in being the wonderful person that you are, not in being better than someone else. Celebrate yourself.
Monday, January 4, 2010
New Lands
One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time. Andre Gide
To learn and grow takes courage. To create anything new requires change. And change requires destruction of the old, of what we are used to. Our brains are built to cling to what we are familiar with, and we get upset whenever we deviate from that. Some people have a terrible time dealing with changes, where others don't mind it as much. But losing what we are familiar with is to some extent frightening for everyone.
Life is a journey. And like any other journey you will never get anywhere if you refuse to step away from where you already are and what you already know. Columbus would never have discovered the New World if he had been afraid of leaving Spain and sailing off into the unknown. Without explorers we still would beleive that the earth was flat and anyone who went too far would sail off the end of it and disappear. Think of the courage it took to go sailing with that level of understanding. And think of how much we have learned and benefited from those exceptionally brave people.
One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time. It helps if we understand that new things are not necessarily worse things. We need to have the attitude that life is a fun adventure with lots of wonderful things waiting for us just around the corner. We need to feel loved and protected by God, just like a child wandering off from his mother to go exploring his surroundings. We all need the security to consent to lose sight of what we are familiar with for a long time if we are all to learn and grow as our soul really wishes to.
To learn and grow takes courage. To create anything new requires change. And change requires destruction of the old, of what we are used to. Our brains are built to cling to what we are familiar with, and we get upset whenever we deviate from that. Some people have a terrible time dealing with changes, where others don't mind it as much. But losing what we are familiar with is to some extent frightening for everyone.
Life is a journey. And like any other journey you will never get anywhere if you refuse to step away from where you already are and what you already know. Columbus would never have discovered the New World if he had been afraid of leaving Spain and sailing off into the unknown. Without explorers we still would beleive that the earth was flat and anyone who went too far would sail off the end of it and disappear. Think of the courage it took to go sailing with that level of understanding. And think of how much we have learned and benefited from those exceptionally brave people.
One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time. It helps if we understand that new things are not necessarily worse things. We need to have the attitude that life is a fun adventure with lots of wonderful things waiting for us just around the corner. We need to feel loved and protected by God, just like a child wandering off from his mother to go exploring his surroundings. We all need the security to consent to lose sight of what we are familiar with for a long time if we are all to learn and grow as our soul really wishes to.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Creativity
Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
Howard Aiken
Few of us allow ourselves to make mistakes. We are taught from day 1 that mistakes are shameful and embarrassing, even signify failure. If we make a mistake, it tells us that we didn't know what we were doing, and maybe we'll never know, and how can we succeed if we don't even know what to do? But there is no shame or embarrassment in not knowing everything. I read a book a while ago that hinted that even God is still learning and growing, just like we are. Think about that the next time you "do something stupid".
Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Because since you don't, and never will, know everything, the only way to avoid making mistakes is to not do anything new. And if you never do anything new, if you never take a risk, you don't learn and grow. Making mistakes is actually an essential part of learning and growth. There is no improvement without creativity, without making mistakes, learning from them about what works, and correcting them if necessary, and then just forgetting about them.
Art is knowing which mistakes to keep. Making mistakes is not always bad. Sometimes your "mistake" turns out to be better than the result you were originally aiming for. Some mistakes should be kept and celebrated. Many great inventions were "mistakes". To be an artist, or inventor for that matter, you need to develop an eye for beauty and excellence, and the beleif that you don't have to get any pre-planned result in order to be happy or successful. Life frequently doesn't go the way we had planned on. But often that is actually a good thing for everyone concerned.
Howard Aiken
Few of us allow ourselves to make mistakes. We are taught from day 1 that mistakes are shameful and embarrassing, even signify failure. If we make a mistake, it tells us that we didn't know what we were doing, and maybe we'll never know, and how can we succeed if we don't even know what to do? But there is no shame or embarrassment in not knowing everything. I read a book a while ago that hinted that even God is still learning and growing, just like we are. Think about that the next time you "do something stupid".
Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Because since you don't, and never will, know everything, the only way to avoid making mistakes is to not do anything new. And if you never do anything new, if you never take a risk, you don't learn and grow. Making mistakes is actually an essential part of learning and growth. There is no improvement without creativity, without making mistakes, learning from them about what works, and correcting them if necessary, and then just forgetting about them.
Art is knowing which mistakes to keep. Making mistakes is not always bad. Sometimes your "mistake" turns out to be better than the result you were originally aiming for. Some mistakes should be kept and celebrated. Many great inventions were "mistakes". To be an artist, or inventor for that matter, you need to develop an eye for beauty and excellence, and the beleif that you don't have to get any pre-planned result in order to be happy or successful. Life frequently doesn't go the way we had planned on. But often that is actually a good thing for everyone concerned.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Oppose
O Lord, help me not to despise or oppose what I do not understand
William Penn
I think virtually all of us despise or oppose what we do not understand. History is full of examples of people who simply destroyed whatever they didn't understand, even whole cultures. Religions have probably been the worst offenders of all when it comes to despising or opposing what they don't understand. More people have probably been killed because they didn't have the "right" religious beleifs than for any other reason. Prejudice is largely the act of despising what you don't understand in a group of people different from you. We feel somehow threatened when we don't understand how the other person thinks, or what the other person is doing.
It is odd that people despise and oppose what they don't understand, instead of doing what would seem to be the logical thing, which is to simply try to understand it. Why is it so hard for us to accept that different people think in different ways, and about different subjects? And why don't we want to understand the way they think? We, who in so many ways are such extraordinarily curious, and very social, people.
How many times have you got mad at your spouse or child because you didn't understand their reasoning? Even within our homes, it would be such a better world if we really tried to understand why someone thought the way they did. After all, we just might discover that their way is better than ours. It is foolishly egotistical to think that we understand everything, and even worse to assume that our way is necessarily the best one. It makes much more sense to, instead of despising and opposing what we don't understand, just to learn from it and try to understand it. How else are we going to grow into the person we are meant to be?
William Penn
I think virtually all of us despise or oppose what we do not understand. History is full of examples of people who simply destroyed whatever they didn't understand, even whole cultures. Religions have probably been the worst offenders of all when it comes to despising or opposing what they don't understand. More people have probably been killed because they didn't have the "right" religious beleifs than for any other reason. Prejudice is largely the act of despising what you don't understand in a group of people different from you. We feel somehow threatened when we don't understand how the other person thinks, or what the other person is doing.
It is odd that people despise and oppose what they don't understand, instead of doing what would seem to be the logical thing, which is to simply try to understand it. Why is it so hard for us to accept that different people think in different ways, and about different subjects? And why don't we want to understand the way they think? We, who in so many ways are such extraordinarily curious, and very social, people.
How many times have you got mad at your spouse or child because you didn't understand their reasoning? Even within our homes, it would be such a better world if we really tried to understand why someone thought the way they did. After all, we just might discover that their way is better than ours. It is foolishly egotistical to think that we understand everything, and even worse to assume that our way is necessarily the best one. It makes much more sense to, instead of despising and opposing what we don't understand, just to learn from it and try to understand it. How else are we going to grow into the person we are meant to be?
Friday, January 1, 2010
Books
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
Bette Midler
This is an interesting question. One might just as well add to it "If raising children is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?". Or even "If self-improvement is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?" Why do we need books on these subjects to tell us what to do? People have been having sex and raising children, and maybe even trying to improve themselves, for centuries before these books ever came along. What is different now?
It seems as though we don't trust our intuition any more. Perhaps most of us don't even recognize it in all the noise and stress of our lives. We are so used to being told what to do by other people that we don't even think about it. We assume that everyone else is more of an "expert" than we are. And there are no shortage of people who are happy to tell us what we should do. The trouble is that they are telling us what they think we should do, which is not always the best thing for us.
Only our own intuition knows what is the best thing for us to be doing. Only your own intuition can tell you the right thing to do when your child is crying in a particular situation. Only you know your strength and weaknesses, and your child's. A book couldn't possibly tell you that. Books are only good for general principles, which can be extremely useful, but may not be applicable to you in your particular situation. I am certainly not saying that you should not read books; but when you read them just be aware that they are not gospel in all situations. After all, the author can't possibly know you and your circumstances.
Commit to spending some time to get to know your intuition and how it works. Learn to trust it and rely on it more. Your intuition knows exactly what you should do in any given moment, in any situation, whether it is having sex, raising kids, or just learning and growing. It is your own personal advisor and the biggest "expert" of all on what is best for you.
Bette Midler
This is an interesting question. One might just as well add to it "If raising children is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?". Or even "If self-improvement is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?" Why do we need books on these subjects to tell us what to do? People have been having sex and raising children, and maybe even trying to improve themselves, for centuries before these books ever came along. What is different now?
It seems as though we don't trust our intuition any more. Perhaps most of us don't even recognize it in all the noise and stress of our lives. We are so used to being told what to do by other people that we don't even think about it. We assume that everyone else is more of an "expert" than we are. And there are no shortage of people who are happy to tell us what we should do. The trouble is that they are telling us what they think we should do, which is not always the best thing for us.
Only our own intuition knows what is the best thing for us to be doing. Only your own intuition can tell you the right thing to do when your child is crying in a particular situation. Only you know your strength and weaknesses, and your child's. A book couldn't possibly tell you that. Books are only good for general principles, which can be extremely useful, but may not be applicable to you in your particular situation. I am certainly not saying that you should not read books; but when you read them just be aware that they are not gospel in all situations. After all, the author can't possibly know you and your circumstances.
Commit to spending some time to get to know your intuition and how it works. Learn to trust it and rely on it more. Your intuition knows exactly what you should do in any given moment, in any situation, whether it is having sex, raising kids, or just learning and growing. It is your own personal advisor and the biggest "expert" of all on what is best for you.
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