Tranquility.

"When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it's useless to seek it elsewhere"
Francois Rochefoucauld

I think we often go looking for other peope who possess traits we wish we had but felt we didn't. We tend to use people as a way to fill up some hole within us. Especially when we are looking for mates, we are attracted to a loud person if we are "too" quiet, or a quiet person if we are "too" loud. We look for someone with the personality traits that we wish we had so that they can somehow complete us.

It is interesting that apparently when people get divorced, very often it is the trait that attracted them so much in the first place about the other person that now drives them crazy. The truth is that other people can never make us whole. Only we can do that. Only we can give ourselves the quiet, or the loud, or whatever other trait, that we need to feel whole. And we do that by understanding that we are whole and complete people in the first place. We learn that both the quiet and the loudness were in us all along, just looking for a way to be expressed.

When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it's useless to seek it elsewhere. If we want tranquility, we must learn to find it within ourselves, nurture it, and give it expression. Only we can do this for ourselves. The best another person could ever do is to encourage you to find those "missing" parts of yourself, by loving you as the whole person you really are. But never rely on them to provide directly those traits you are missing; because they can't, and you will probably end up resenting them for it.