We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.
C. G. Jung
It is hard to accept the things we don't like. We just don't want it there, even for a short time. We want change and we want it yesterday. We simply don't want to tolerate this thing for what it is. We focus on all the reasons why we don't like this thing, and why it needs to change. We are so busy hating what is there now that we don't consider what we would prefer to have there instead. All we really think about is not having this thing that we have condemned.
But condemnation does not liberate. Focusing on what we don't want is not going to free us from it. Impatience is not going to make things happen any faster. Instead we get stuck because thinking about something only draws it to us, especially if we feel strongly about it too. The more we hate something and wish it would go away, the more we are attracting it to us. And the more impatient we are for improvement, the less we will be open to those opportunities we have on an ongoing basis to make things better. Condemnation oppresses.
We cannot change anything until we accept it. We have to appreciate that those things that annoy us are there for a reason. They are there to strengthen our character, to help us learn and grow, and help us clarify what we want. It is only when we accept what is that we can use that to determine what we want instead; and when we focus on what we want instead, that is what we will get. Change comes when we focus on and expect to get something we want. It comes not when we condemn but when we are accept what is and are grateful for it because it helps us to determine what it is that we really want.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Don't Cry
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
Dr Suess
How many times have we wept over what is no longer available. For the lover who left us. For the beautiful building that was torn down to make a parking lot. For the old tree that was chopped down. For the treasure we lost and now can't find. The truth is that life is always changing and any one thing can't remain available for your enjoyment forever. And that is a good thing because if it did you would never get to experience anything new.
Change is what makes life interesting and exciting. But just as new things come into our life that we love, the old ones have to go in order to make room for them. Just because something you enjoyed is now gone does not mean at all that there will be nothing else come along that you will enjoy just as much. It just means that it will be different. We run into problems because we get attached to one particular thing so much that we begin to see it as part of ourself, as part of our life story. Then we fear its loss because that would be like losing a part of ourself.
Instead of crying because what you love is no longer available, try shifting your attitude. Smile because you got to enjoy it for whatever period it was around. And because you know that there will be other and perhaps even greater joys coming into your life in the future. Trust that God is looking after you and will continue to bring blessings into your life for as long as you appreciate the ones you still have. Be grateful for all the wonderful things that you have had the privilege of experiencing over your lifetime. And don't forget to be grateful for those still to come.
Dr Suess
How many times have we wept over what is no longer available. For the lover who left us. For the beautiful building that was torn down to make a parking lot. For the old tree that was chopped down. For the treasure we lost and now can't find. The truth is that life is always changing and any one thing can't remain available for your enjoyment forever. And that is a good thing because if it did you would never get to experience anything new.
Change is what makes life interesting and exciting. But just as new things come into our life that we love, the old ones have to go in order to make room for them. Just because something you enjoyed is now gone does not mean at all that there will be nothing else come along that you will enjoy just as much. It just means that it will be different. We run into problems because we get attached to one particular thing so much that we begin to see it as part of ourself, as part of our life story. Then we fear its loss because that would be like losing a part of ourself.
Instead of crying because what you love is no longer available, try shifting your attitude. Smile because you got to enjoy it for whatever period it was around. And because you know that there will be other and perhaps even greater joys coming into your life in the future. Trust that God is looking after you and will continue to bring blessings into your life for as long as you appreciate the ones you still have. Be grateful for all the wonderful things that you have had the privilege of experiencing over your lifetime. And don't forget to be grateful for those still to come.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Fall in Love
Forget the resolutions. Forget control and discipline... too much work. Instead try experimenting. Go in search of something to fall in love with... something about yourself, your career, your spouse.
Dale Dauten
Every year, we make a New Year's Resolution that we will do something to improve ourselves. And every year, a month later we have totally forgotten about it. Why? Because we have slipped back into our regular routine of doing things, the habits we are familiar with. Saying that we want to quit smoking just is not effective when we are around our familiar circle of friends who are all happily smoking and offering us a cigarette. Our habits win out over our will every time.
Forget the resolutions. Forget control and discipline. They all stem from using willpower. Willpower is something borne of the Ego. It comes from the need to control the world around us and make it do what we think will make us superior and/or happy. Willpower is a lot of work, we are trying to force ourselves to do something that goes against what we are comfortable with. We can't will ourselves to be happy. But there is another way.
Try experimenting. Go in search of something to fall in love with... something about yourself, your career, your spouse. If we actually take the time to experiment with what we value most, and search them out, there are things to fall in love with all around us. There are blessings everywhere. We can fall in love with cool breezes on a hot summer day, it doesn't have to be something momentous. But it is when we are in love, when we can really appreciate all the wonderful things God has given us, that we really grow and develop. And most of all, that is the only way we can truly be happy.
Dale Dauten
Every year, we make a New Year's Resolution that we will do something to improve ourselves. And every year, a month later we have totally forgotten about it. Why? Because we have slipped back into our regular routine of doing things, the habits we are familiar with. Saying that we want to quit smoking just is not effective when we are around our familiar circle of friends who are all happily smoking and offering us a cigarette. Our habits win out over our will every time.
Forget the resolutions. Forget control and discipline. They all stem from using willpower. Willpower is something borne of the Ego. It comes from the need to control the world around us and make it do what we think will make us superior and/or happy. Willpower is a lot of work, we are trying to force ourselves to do something that goes against what we are comfortable with. We can't will ourselves to be happy. But there is another way.
Try experimenting. Go in search of something to fall in love with... something about yourself, your career, your spouse. If we actually take the time to experiment with what we value most, and search them out, there are things to fall in love with all around us. There are blessings everywhere. We can fall in love with cool breezes on a hot summer day, it doesn't have to be something momentous. But it is when we are in love, when we can really appreciate all the wonderful things God has given us, that we really grow and develop. And most of all, that is the only way we can truly be happy.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Smile
Don't frown because you never know who is falling in love with your smile
SinVyeSt Tan
The truth is that we can be amazingly ignorant about what other people think of us. Most of the time, people don't tell you what they think of you. They might hide it because they are afraid you don't feel the same way about them and that will become obvious, or sometimes they might hide it in order not to hurt your feelings. And then all of a sudden our best friend leaves us, or we accidently discover we had a fan we never knew we had.
It is built into our culture and into our natures to be negative. It is easier for us to notice, and discuss, what is bad than to notice what is good. We are essentially taught from an early age that we are victims, that we have to do what other people want or what circumstances dictate no matter how unpleasant it is for us; which certainly doesn't promote being positive or cheerful.
But don't frown because you never know who is falling in love with your smile. No matter how bad you feel, there is always someone out there who feels worse and who really needs you to cheer them up. No matter how incompetant you think you are, there is always someone out there who thinks you're clever at what you do because they can't do it. There is always someone out there who is falling in love with your smile. You just need to go out and find them. And then you'll have a real reason to smile.
SinVyeSt Tan
The truth is that we can be amazingly ignorant about what other people think of us. Most of the time, people don't tell you what they think of you. They might hide it because they are afraid you don't feel the same way about them and that will become obvious, or sometimes they might hide it in order not to hurt your feelings. And then all of a sudden our best friend leaves us, or we accidently discover we had a fan we never knew we had.
It is built into our culture and into our natures to be negative. It is easier for us to notice, and discuss, what is bad than to notice what is good. We are essentially taught from an early age that we are victims, that we have to do what other people want or what circumstances dictate no matter how unpleasant it is for us; which certainly doesn't promote being positive or cheerful.
But don't frown because you never know who is falling in love with your smile. No matter how bad you feel, there is always someone out there who feels worse and who really needs you to cheer them up. No matter how incompetant you think you are, there is always someone out there who thinks you're clever at what you do because they can't do it. There is always someone out there who is falling in love with your smile. You just need to go out and find them. And then you'll have a real reason to smile.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Speak
When we speak we are afraid we will not be heard or welcomed. When we are silent, we are still afraid. So its better to speak. – Audre Lorde
We're probably all familiar with the quote "It's better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt." God forbid that we should look like a fool, that we should not know everything. Most of us are terrified at the thought of saying something that turns out to be embarrassing or something that we will regret later. So we don't speak up for ourselves in the right way at the right time.
But when we are silent, we are still afraid. We are afraid that other people will never get to know us, never understand us, never meet our needs because they just don't know what those needs are. We are afraid of not connecting, of feeling like a stranger. We are even afraid of being not interesting enough to hold their attention. When it comes down to it, what we are really afraid of is whether they will find us, our beleifs and feelings, interesting and/or attractive.
As long as we are silent, we will never find out the answer. So it will always remain a possibility that they don't like us or what we're saying. And we will always be afraid. Like anything else the way to get over fear is to simply do the thing that we are afraid of. It is indeed better to speak. After all it is also possible that we can open our mouths and prove that we are not fools at all, and that we are not just heard but very much welcomed.
We're probably all familiar with the quote "It's better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt." God forbid that we should look like a fool, that we should not know everything. Most of us are terrified at the thought of saying something that turns out to be embarrassing or something that we will regret later. So we don't speak up for ourselves in the right way at the right time.
But when we are silent, we are still afraid. We are afraid that other people will never get to know us, never understand us, never meet our needs because they just don't know what those needs are. We are afraid of not connecting, of feeling like a stranger. We are even afraid of being not interesting enough to hold their attention. When it comes down to it, what we are really afraid of is whether they will find us, our beleifs and feelings, interesting and/or attractive.
As long as we are silent, we will never find out the answer. So it will always remain a possibility that they don't like us or what we're saying. And we will always be afraid. Like anything else the way to get over fear is to simply do the thing that we are afraid of. It is indeed better to speak. After all it is also possible that we can open our mouths and prove that we are not fools at all, and that we are not just heard but very much welcomed.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Conflict
Conflict cannot survive without your participation.
Wayne Dyer
Whether we realize it or not, most of us run around all day long in a constant state of conflict. Conflict between our own desires and someone else's. Conflict between what we think we can do and what we think other people can (or should) do. And conflict between what we want and what we think we can acheive. We are even at conflict with our environment, being angry that it rained when we wanted sunshine, for example.
All our conflict comes down to resisting what life has given us because we think that we should have got something more to our liking. That we somehow deserve more than what we got. We go around with a pre-conceived plan of what will make us happy or successful or fulfilled, as though we are the best judges of that. As though we know what should happen in order for us to learn and grow and be happy, to get the most out of our life.
Conflict cannot survive without our own participation. Ultimately all this conflict just makes us miserable. It stops us from appreciating all the good things that life sends us, all the blessings around us. It stops us from seeing new ideas and opportunities. We don't have to take part in it however. The moment we can learn to love whatever is happening in our life, knowing that even those things that seem like disasters are actually sent to help us grow, we are free of conflict. And when we are free of conflict, we are free of failure and can't lose. We are free to enjoy our lives.
Wayne Dyer
Whether we realize it or not, most of us run around all day long in a constant state of conflict. Conflict between our own desires and someone else's. Conflict between what we think we can do and what we think other people can (or should) do. And conflict between what we want and what we think we can acheive. We are even at conflict with our environment, being angry that it rained when we wanted sunshine, for example.
All our conflict comes down to resisting what life has given us because we think that we should have got something more to our liking. That we somehow deserve more than what we got. We go around with a pre-conceived plan of what will make us happy or successful or fulfilled, as though we are the best judges of that. As though we know what should happen in order for us to learn and grow and be happy, to get the most out of our life.
Conflict cannot survive without our own participation. Ultimately all this conflict just makes us miserable. It stops us from appreciating all the good things that life sends us, all the blessings around us. It stops us from seeing new ideas and opportunities. We don't have to take part in it however. The moment we can learn to love whatever is happening in our life, knowing that even those things that seem like disasters are actually sent to help us grow, we are free of conflict. And when we are free of conflict, we are free of failure and can't lose. We are free to enjoy our lives.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Approval
People who want the most approval get the least and people who need approval the least get the most.
Wayne Dyer
This begs the question "Why do other people approve of you?" Our Ego will tell us that we have the approval of other people because of the possessions and social prestige we own. We work hard to get the approval of other people, usually by trying to do whatever they want us to do. We think that the only way to get approval is to be the person that other people want or expect us to be.
I think the real truth is that other people approve of you because you have something they don't. They don't really want you to be a copy of themselves, as much as they might tell you that. They want to see something more in you. They want to see authenticity. There are universal qualities that everyone approves of, such as kindness, thoughtfullness, empathy etc. These happen to be the very qualities that we all innately possess although they are often masked by the negativity we are trained into.
People who want the most approval get the least and people who need approval the least get the most. Those people who want approval from other people are the people who are not sure who they really are and are waiting for other people to tell them that they are good enough. Those people who don't need approval are the people who know who they are and are not afraid to let it show. And because they are being authentic, they are the ones who get all the approval.
Wayne Dyer
This begs the question "Why do other people approve of you?" Our Ego will tell us that we have the approval of other people because of the possessions and social prestige we own. We work hard to get the approval of other people, usually by trying to do whatever they want us to do. We think that the only way to get approval is to be the person that other people want or expect us to be.
I think the real truth is that other people approve of you because you have something they don't. They don't really want you to be a copy of themselves, as much as they might tell you that. They want to see something more in you. They want to see authenticity. There are universal qualities that everyone approves of, such as kindness, thoughtfullness, empathy etc. These happen to be the very qualities that we all innately possess although they are often masked by the negativity we are trained into.
People who want the most approval get the least and people who need approval the least get the most. Those people who want approval from other people are the people who are not sure who they really are and are waiting for other people to tell them that they are good enough. Those people who don't need approval are the people who know who they are and are not afraid to let it show. And because they are being authentic, they are the ones who get all the approval.
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